Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

In Times of Darkness

Some days are more difficult than others; but I’ve recently discovered that no matter where you are in your life, you can always make the best of any situation no matter the adversity. After all, there’s no true end-goal in our lives; there are only opportunities to succeed or fail.

Hi everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post, and today I’ll be discussing the amazing power within you and me.

In times of darkness, we can become more than just ordinary people. We are all incredibly talented in one way or another; and as human beings, we have the chance and opportunity to truly take what is ours. In this society driven by pure competition and favoritism; we as people can still find ways to make a difference in the world. We need 3 things: hard-work, opportunity, and luck. Even if people try to sabotage you in some way, or even if you feel under-appreciated in your work, or even if you think you’ll never succeed; the truth of the matter is that you have to try first in order to know what you can do to better your chances of success at whatever it is you’re actively working at.

I’ve realized at 24 years of age, that nothing is impossible. Truly nothing. You can quite literally materialize whatever you so desire into the real world without any opposition. One way or another, you will succeed – even if it’s not the way you had once originally envisioned it to be like.

I think the beautiful thing about life right now is that we’re living in a very unique period of vast-knowledge and also a time of grave uncertainty. It is a clash of both something good and something incredibly bad. Of course, that’s how life usually works. There must always be a Yang to every Yin. No matter how bad we want life to be this easy road to success, we have to remember that reality is much harsher than that. We must make sacrifices in order to achieve whatever it is that we want. We must also remember that we must put in the necessary time in order to make things work.

For example, my older brother who is just about to turn 31 years old, has had a plan set in motion since he was 20. He has already completed college with a degree in graphic designing. But he’s content with his job, which is working at the local supermarket. He has gained about 12 years already with his store, and he plans to retire from there and eventually find another job to coincide with his retirement checks from the supermarket. This is something that he has actively worked at and I am really proud of him. Of course, other people may see this as a failure, but I see it as an achievement. He’s part of a union, and he’ll likely never get fired or laid-off, so he has more security in his job than many other people his age. That is certainly something to be proud of, especially since we live in an age of massive instability.

I digress though, back to the main topic at hand.

In times of darkness, we are faced with a multitude of personal questions which we must answer in order to move ahead in our own lives.

Like; where do I want to be in 5 years? In 10 years?

What kind of lifestyle do I want to live by?

Do I want to be married and have kids one day soon? Or am I a free spirit who would rather travel around America or the world?

These are the kinds of questions we must all ask ourselves as we grow older and more aware of our own surroundings. Life has never been easy or simple; that’s the truth of it. That’s why every time I hear “why do humans have to make life so difficult” I merely laugh to myself in silence. Humans were meant to make life difficult. We aren’t a docile or even quiet breed of creatures. We are intelligent, proud, and even opinionated (some more than others). EVERYONE’s lives are difficult, no matter what kind of government system we have. no matter what societal rules we construct, and no matter what expectations we place on our people.

Life for humans was never designed to be “simple” or “easy”. It was created to be challenging. It was meant to be a life-or-death experience. It was meant to be cherished and scorned. Life for humans was meant to be a life-long journey wrought with happiness and pain all mixed together. To push ourselves further than we could ever imagine. Life is a roller-coaster with only one end, that being death. So you might as well get out there and take life by the horns.

Nobody will make that choice for you; only you can make those hard decisions in life yourself.

That’s what I think is a potential problem with our modern day society. Our parents, grandparents, etc., etc., have really coddled us into being “too soft”. Four years ago, I was a completely different man than I am today. Sometimes I can’t even begin to fathom how I used to be. I would have never survived in the world by myself if I never evolved and matured. And even still, I have much left to learn and grow from. That’s a natural process to life after all. If you try and stop the inevitable change from happening, than you’ll never be fully prepared for what life has to offer us.

In times of darkness, there are moments which escape us that can never be recalled again. If we let slip those opportunities of hardship, we may never grow if we don’t accept the challenges that await us on the other side.

I once dated a girl for 3 years who was older than me and was afraid to live life. She was shy, a bit on the quiet side, and wasn’t completely sure of herself. Rest assured, after the 3 years we were together, she had blossomed into a woman who was sure of herself and of her goals in life. She wanted to go to New York City and live there; she wanted to experience and learn new things in life beyond college since she finished. She wanted to become an active participant in her own life story. That’s what I love to see; growth. Even though it didn’t work out for us, and we had our differences, I’m still glad that I was able to get her out of her shell. Whoever ends up with her as a partner will be very lucky to have her. She was an incredible young woman, and had become very communicative and open.

Things happen in life; and as you go through changes in your own life, you’ll begin to see the differences around you. You’ll begin to see the many different possibilities out there for you to grab. You’ll begin to understand that you’re bound to make mistakes. More importantly, you’ll begin to appreciate living your life a little more than you might take for granted now.

Conclusively, I think it’s safe to say that you owe it to yourself to go do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Start that project you’ve always wanted to finish; see where it leads you. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to travel yourself; starting making a financial goal for your traveling needs. It’s never too late to start something new; we as human beings are never done learning. We are ever-evolving and always learning new concepts, ideas, and truths. Don’t let the fear of failure overrule your desire to try something new. That’s the biggest issue in the world, and especially at a time of vast uncertainty as we’re currently facing in our world, there really is no better time to get started on your life then right now.

So go out there and make a difference, even if it’s a small one. After all, all great things in the world have relatively small and insignificant beginnings.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

HALLOWEEN: A Time of Infinite and Unyielding Creativity!

Well, it’s my favorite time of the year again! Being inspired at a young age from the inquisitive and creative nature of Halloween, I’ve always had a deep-rooted adoration for everything and anything spooky, magical, and haunting on this most special of days.

From the days of being an advent reader (and watcher) of the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, to going outside and causing mayhem in the streets of my hometown with my “angel”-like friends, to binge-watching anything even remotely terrifying [Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Original), Halloween (Series), A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shinning, etc.]; Halloween for me has correlated with the one time out of the year where I could enjoy the company of those closest to me.

In recent years, it has represented something more special however. Halloween, to me, represents a time of reflection on the history of the world.

For some reason or another, I’ve been taking Halloween as a time to remember all of the different key moments in our world’s history. To the magnificent Roman Empire that Augustus Caesar created, to the days of ancient China and her rule of ruthlessness, to the history behind Stonehenge; Halloween has recently held a very special place in my heart for reasons unlike what it is celebrated for. It has become the one time out of the year where I can genuinely reflect upon things otherwise forgotten.

As the days meld into years, and as I grow older and realize my mortality is upon me; I’ve begun to feel a deeper connection to even the most seemingly insignificant of aspects to life. I feel one with the world during this holiday. I’m reminded of all the boundless sources of creativity awaiting to be tapped into; waiting to be explored through.

I feel like a kid again; running around and jumping into the fallen autumn leaves. I feel the cold-winds of preemptive Winter calling my name; reminding me of life’s cycle of life and death.

It makes me feel adventurous; it makes me feel like I can take on the whole world all at once and live through such an experience.

It makes me aggressive again. It rekindles an almost dim fire within me. It reminds me of my long-forgotten ambitions. Though I am 24 years old, I feel like a spritely 99 year old man. I feel as though I have conquered ancient ruins, ethereal jungles, and expansive deserts.

It fills me with dreamy images of teleporting back in time to an existence on Earth when temples were pristine and civilization was just at the root of fruition. I close my eyes and wonder what fate has in store for the world.

I can feel the strange winds now; an unfamiliar ocean breeze filled with air so crisp not even I can recognize it.

As I reopen my eyes, I can see dirt-filled faces marred with unsettling fear. I remember that life for our collective ancestors was one likely ruled by lies, deceit, and deception.

For all the natural beauty around, though, I quickly lose myself in Earth’s bounty.

I escape.

I run away from civilization, make a trail of my own. I feel the whiplash of the winds now as it basks me with new purpose.

I rise.

I find my footing in stranger lands, filled with stranger people still.

I meet new allies, new companions as well who accompany me on my travels to foolishly change the world. But I’m young at heart; nothing can stop me. Not even an emperor or dictator. Nothing stands in the way of my desire for freedom of choice for all human beings on Earth. Nothing sways my unyielding resolve. I fight for the people, sacrificing myself at any cost possible.

You see, I feel like myself again on Halloween. For one reason or another, I feel connected to everyone around me during this time of the year. There’s something deeper and darker to life, yet the light beneath such a void is yet one undiscovered. 

Though I may never live to see happier days for our civilization, I will always continue to use my creative force for change. No matter how small, or how large, it may be; I will always honor the creativity that comes along with Halloween.

With that said; may you and yours truly have a fun-filled Halloween! I hope you enjoy your time with your family, friends, and close acquaintances. Remember that life only holds meaning when shared with those who love you, and who you love back.

And whenever you’re in doubt, just look up to the sky and wonder. Let your imagination run wild every once in a while. Who knows, maybe you’ll go on the adventure of a lifetime…

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Source of photo: (click me to view photo credits)!