Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Update on Life Thus Far!

Hey everyone, it’s R.S. Noel, here with a brief update! I hope you’re having a good day so far! It’s nice to finally get some time to catch up on what some of you guys have been up to lately; especially since I don’t have much of a social life anymore (thanks to school and work and YouTube and my dog and this and that…lol). At any rate, life after the holiday seasons seems to be the time of the year where we all transition back into our normal, daily habits (for better or for worse). It’s the time when we begin to fall back into our habits and also when we begin to break our “New Year’s resolutions”. Because let’s face it, only a small portion of people actually believe in New Year’s resolutions. If you really want to accomplish a goal, you’ll do it whenever the time arrives for you to make a decision.

With that stated; I’m sorry for being away for such a long time. College is kicking into high(er) gear and I’ve found myself swamped with my projects and assignments. I just took my Econ 102 Exam #1, and believe I got somewhere between a 96%-99% on it (UPDATE: I got an 86% lol, so much for the overconfidence xD). Of course, we’ll just have to wait and find out what I really got on it. Perhaps my professor will have it ready for us by tomorrow, but I doubt it since we just took it on Thursday. I already checked online and she hasn’t been able to update the grades yet; so my best bet is that she’ll have it up by tomorrow or Wednesday (U.S./Pacific Time).

(Also; side note! I’ve seen some success on YouTube lately, and thought of sharing it with you. So you can click anywhere on this sentence and it’ll take you to one of my more “popular” videos on my channel!)

Aside from Economics 102, I had two quizzes in my Accounting 120 class (computerized accounting), and got a 12/13 on the first one, and a 13/14 on the second one. There’s always a trick question on each quiz, so it really does add a layer of attention-to-detail to it. Not my favorite aspect to the quizzes, but nevertheless, I haven’t let that annoy me too much. In fact, I find that it helps me to realize what I’m missing whenever I’m looking at data sets or just questions in general when regarding QuickBooks or any other “basic” type of accounting system.

At any rate; when I’m not at school I’m most likely at work. I work only Fridays, Saturdays, and some Sundays at my place-of-employment (a boutique-like coffee shop). That definitely works with my schedule (It helps, because next semester I’ll be taking my last Economics class: Economics 101: Microeconomics, and I’ll also be taking my last novice Accounting class: Accounting 102: Managerial Accounting.) Not to mention, I’ll also be taking Business Law I (which is BUSAD 120) and and Written Business Communication (which is BUSAD 106). Both of those classes are “Business and Administration” classes (or as most college students abbreviate it to be: BUSAD). Luckily, I’ll be focusing almost entirely on Accounting/Financing/Computer Science once I transfer out of my community college to my CalState for my “Upper Division” requirements).

I suppose that leads me to what my major and minors will be. I’m majoring in Accounting; and double-minoring in Finance and Computer Science. In this day and age, you can never be “too-educated” or skilled. It seems like the job market is ever-the-competitive.

Now that all of that nonsense is out of the way; I did want to let you know that I have about 12 articles in reserve. They need a lot (and a mean A LOT) of reviewing and editing though before I even think of letting them lose into the wild known as the Internet. Again, sorry for the lack of content on the blog/website. I haven’t had any time at all to really just sit down and relax. However, I will try and find the time in the near-future (realistically, I should have some more time perhaps this weekend; and also some free time in about 2-weeks from next week). With that stated, if my schedule is freed up for this weekend, I’ll be dedicating it to primarily just editing my content here on the blog;  and also uploading another video to my YouTube channel.

Thank you to those who have decided to stick it out here on my blog/website; I can only promise you that I’ll have the next couple of articles (about 4-6) up within the next 3 weeks. After that, I have a week off (so I should be able to upload 4 in one week; and also write some more posts/articles in reserve). I can tell you right now that one of my articles in the editing process is about the Philippines and the social environment that’s currently been changed thanks to the President of the Philippines. Some of you may already know what I’m talking about, but I thought I’d just give you all a little hint.

Well, that’s all that’s really going on in my life at the moment. I’ll keep you guys posted periodically; but for now, I’ll be going back to studying and doing some more small projects here-and-there. You can expect the next post/article to be up by this weekend. Again, I appreciate all of the patience and support you’ve given me over the last couple of weeks. College is really crazy and hectic, but in the end- I’ll be better at networking and finding opportunities wherever they exist. No matter how hard it is for me to get through any obstacles, I know I can let my work ethic speak for itself. With that said, I will speak with you guys again in the future, till then ~

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Source of picture: (click me to view photo credits!)

What is Love? (Part 1)

Love is such an immensely large part of who we are as human beings. It’s what defines us as a species, and moreover, it’s what defines the generations to come into existence. We are passionate creatures, we do “reckless” things out of our emotions of love. The greatest dramas, tragedies, and plays of our time have all cumulated to stories with the whirlwind effects and consequences of true love at it’s highest form.

It’s something that we will never get rid of, and I’m completely glad this is the case. Because life without love is like a fish without water. In other words; there’s no point to living life without some form of love.

The whole premise of our existence is to feel; just as much as we utilize our minds for logic. Truth be told though, it’s a balancing act. It’s about the Yin and Yang, about the equilibrium of our existential presence here in this experience we call life.

Hello everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post. I want to say thank you again for all of the new and returning followers; this has become such a great and interactive side-hobby for me, that I can see myself blogging for years to come. I have plenty of time (God willing I don’t get hit by a truck or anything), and I intend to use some of that time in life reading, and more importantly, writing; here on my website.

Since the beginning of time for human beings, love has always been at the root of our birth. Through the harshest winters imaginable, to the deadliest heatwaves known to mankind; love has always prospered a civilization, it has always made a people grow into a culture worth remembering and worth knowing. For even through all of the convoluted lies, deceptions, and backstabbing; love will always prevail in the end. And that’s what makes life such a thrill, such a rush of fresh air.

It’s exhilarating, the experience of knowing someone you love will always be by your side; whether in life or in memory; love still exists in both realms. A companion to always comfort you when you’re in your darkest hour of life; such a person in your personal life surely holds great importance to you. That emotion you feel for your loved one, that feeling you experience every time you see them; that’s what life is all about. It’s about cherishing the small time we all have here on Earth, and making the best of whatever twisted or unfair situation we find ourselves in. Because at the end of the day, none of the “fluff” of materialism has ever mattered. You won’t be taking anything of material wealth with you to the afterlife. The only things that remain, then, are those of our most cherished memories. Of our fondest times here on Earth.

Love is so incredibly powerful.

It defies the very laws of physics. A force that not even science can ever prove, or disprove. Love is boundless, free-spirited, and has a wild mind of its own. It takes a hold of you in ways you never knew existed. It transcends any drug, any source of pleasure, and any type of attention any of us could ever receive. When you find true love, it’s as though the whole world stops existing for a single moment in time. It’s as though the winds stop, the oceans become calm, and all of the problems and mayhem that plagues your societal life; come to a complete and utter halt.

It’s that emotion you feel after getting over the nastiest memories, the cruelest of people, or the hardest of days. It’s a feeling of truth, the kind that never leaves you. It’s like breathing out a sigh of relief that releases all of your worries, doubts, and fears.

Such an emotion is forbidden in our world for a reason. It holds the very life-force to change the course of our history.

In my own personal life, I secretly utilize this force of change for the betterment of not just my future; but hopefully the future of other people’s life as well. I understand to some degree, that the feeling of love is forever fleeting, and will just as soon arrive at my front door just as quickly as it’s willing to leave.

So what is the purpose of this post today? Well put simply, it’s to remind you of what’s important; even when shit hits the fan. It’s to help keep you grounded when you start to feel powerless or useless. It’s to motivate you to keep on walking forward, even when you see the road ahead of you appears to be nearly impossible to traverse.

Because at the end of the day, all that remains, is love.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view photo credits)!