Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Music Monday! – As I Write

Welcome to my new series Music Monday! This series will be the very harbinger of what I listen to whenever I write stories of fiction. It’s a recording and a collection of the best inspiring music which has had a variety of effects on me. Depending on what I’m writing, I usually listen to one of three types of genres. The first, is that of daring adventure. The second, is one of immense tragedy or sorrow. And the third, is usually that of intensely dark or twisted music.

Here’s a sample of what I’m listening to at the moment as I write. I would also advise you wear headphones if you do decide to check out the music. You can hear every single piece of note and instrument being played out much better this way: (Click me to listen to music via youtube).

The thundering sounds of suspense, the endless waves of emotions that comes with the monumental encounters of life; these are the moments I live for. At times, when I’m writing a scene that is full of blinding twists and endless turns, I find myself gladly overcome by a huge amount of adrenaline which washes over me and nearly drowns me in the expanse of life’s many outcomes. It’s an onslaught of events, back-to-back-to-back; and I love every minute of it.

A lead-up to an even larger event; which leads to a different path and an outcome unseen; until the crescendo is met near the end of each main plot-line. These are the moments I live for as a writer.

It’s so strong, so intense, that my fingers are typing just in-tempo with the blinding speed of succession of the heart-pounding scene unfolding in front of my mind’s eye. Though I can barely keep up with the pace of my rapidly-changing brain patterns as the story comes to me through some sixth sense, or God-knows what else; I am rewarded when I finish each scene. Though I may have exhausted all sources of energyreserve within my soul; once I finish a scene, I see the hard-work that actually goes into it. Like any good story, there is a definitive “beginning”, “middle”, and “end”.

There are countless and numerous tracks that I listen to; and with this series, I’m hoping that I can record them all. I know it might be near-impossible, since there are so many tracks that I listen to while I write.

But with every track played, I get that much closer to finding closure in each story I write.

Writing is such a sacred art. It consist of concentration on a level that many of us are not comfortable with. It can cause a sort of distancing mechanism in writers, and many times, it can even cause extreme cases of isolation. Yet that’s what makes writing so intriguing. Like many other forms of expression; writing can produce works of living art. And if you’re lucky enough to know how to work through the social environment of the movie industry, you may even see your own book turned into a movie.

In the end though, one must remember to balance out their lives. Because, as the saying goes: “everything in moderation”. Or else you can very well find yourself somewhat deranged and mentally exhausted.

During my breaks between writing, I keep each story deep within the confinements of my mind; since nowadays, I’m focused more on school-work then I am with my true interest, which rests in writing.

In some way, that’s why I started this website/blog. I wanted a place where I could jot down my thoughts on different topics. Probably the best surprise, was that it also helped me connect with countless people with interesting life-stories and backgrounds full of inquisitive knowledge. It’s led me to this amazing network full of other passionate writers, photographers, travelers, and hobbyists. It’s led me down a path which I am all-too glad to walk upon.

There are certainly many things left unsaid in this post, but for today, I believe it’s the right time to end this piece.

God bless all of you, and I hope you have a fine rest of your day, (or night)!

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Source of photo: (click me to view photo credits)!