(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)


I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.


Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.


Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel


Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Life in the Philippines

Recently, while I was in my Economics 102 class; my professor was discussing the time she spent in the Philippines with her family for 2 months during the summer of her Sophomore year transitioning to her Junior year of college. This was a part of our lesson on differing “economic growths” amongst countries. She was telling us that she had always been interested in listening to the news and also reading news articles on global affairs. This would certainly be a lesson I never forgot.

Certainly then, she must have expected that her trip to her family’s home country would be one of interesting encounters and experiences.

She told us that the moment they landed in Manila (the capital of the Philippines), her family and her could already see the heavy military presence roaming throughout the airport and the streets of the capital city. She remembered vividly picking up a newspaper during the walk, and reading about some governmental issues that were growing worse by the day.

This experience she had, happened in 2011-2012. Certainly, times in the Philippines have changed since then. In some ways, life in the Phillipines has become similar to life in the U.S., in that the economy is lagging a bit, and many working-aged individuals are finding it increasingly difficult to find permanent and somewhat consistent work.

At any rate, she remembered also reading about the drug problem the Philippines was faced with; and how the government was dealing with it. In truth, the government in the Philippines was dealing with this problem in a rather “direct” manner. The military had been given orders by the then-President Benigno Aquino III. He had told the military to “gun-down” any drug trafficking going on, and any drug users caught in the act.

Certainly, this kind of dictation of extreme orders was not taken lightly. It was seen as quite the upset throughout the Philippines. Many people understood that the implications of such a serious mandate.

In time, my professor saw both the good and the bad side of the Philippines. She remembers fondly though on the good; and reminisces on how the people in her family’s home village were always working hard, always finding meaning in their familial lives, and always willing to help a stranger out in need of aid. She remembers how connected she felt with these people, and how she even enjoyed having to go to the local village’s “water pump” to gather buckets of water for her family and neighbors. She felt as though she had a deeper connection with not only her family, but her community as well. To be looked up and praised by the elders and the children was something she remembers with a kindred heart.

Perhaps the lesson in her time living in the Philippines, is that she finally understood what it meant to live a life full of purpose. You see, even though we are certainly blessed in the states with the possible opportunities we may achieve; we are severely lacking any concrete community throughout our towns, our cities, and even our homes. There is a lack of deeper purpose, even though we may hate to admit it. Though America may have more security in terms of job prospects (even though it is quite low in security if you think about it), it doesn’t necessarily equate to happier lives. Of course, no country is perfect, and in these times of darkness, we must choose what we desire more.

That’s why there’s that old saying: “Would you rather be dirt poor and have all the unconditional love in the world? Or, would you rather be filthy rich and miserably lonely?” It’s a question we must all ask ourselves at different stages of our lives. I believe people, for a time, choose to be filthy rich; and then when they have invested some of their hard-earned money into long-term assets (for their personal income, that is), then they choose to work lower-demand jobs so that they can focus on what really matters in their lives: their family.

You see, life in the Philippines may not be anywhere near as “economically productive” as America, but let’s face it: America and the other 1st world countries are losing their “well-paid” workforce at a faster rate than ever imagined. We are, in some regards and respect, seeing a workforce which is paid lesser and lesser with every passing year. The quality of living is certainly still high in comparison to a lot of economically impoverished countries such as South Sudan, Venezuela, and countless others; but we cannot be so foolish enough to think we are “above” the competition. We are certainly like any other country, susceptible to loss and growth. No matter what happens though, we must remember that we are all a part of a community.

Of course, I also understand the other side of the argument. Many people may not feel aligned with this kind of thinking – and for good reason on their behalf. Competition in the job market is fierce; beyond any reasonable or rational demand. It’s quite disheartening to know that we are forever-competing against our fellow men and women. It leaves little-to-no-room for sympathy or compassion. In fact, it creates an environment of blood-thirsty psychopaths who understand all-too-well the alternative fate. Life is not all peachy after all; and some truths are better left unspoken.

So with that stated, I will end this post on a happier note. Remember, no matter your current situation or plight; you and I understand that what truly matters in the end are the memories we create in this lifetime. It is about the hard work we put into creating a life worth living; not about the hard work alone. Life is about making the best of the cards you were dealt from the beginning. No matter what you go through, remember that at the end of the day – you must sleep with the knowledge of your actions. Because in truth, nobody in the world is a winner. The only “winners” in life, are those who understand the importance of love and growth; who understand that pettiness are just a past-time of wasted energy and wasted potential.

Whether you choose to be economically strong or to be surrounded by people who truly love you; life is but a stage upon which we all play a part in. Don’t lose sight of what you truly desire in life, and remember that you must make necessary sacrifices in order to attain any semblance of economic riches and glory. But in the end; was it worth it all? Was that success worth the otherwise love and compassion you would have otherwise felt if you worked hard and led a life full of humbleness? The answer is different for every human being, and thus, only you and God alone must make that decision. Whatever you do, know that none of us leave this world without a few scars here-and-there. May your day be one of good intentions, for the light of night is upon us once more…

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel


Source of picture: (click me to view photo credits!)