Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Philosophical Journey (Part 1)

Hello everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post; and today I’ll be talking about the true meaning of life. It’s a complex answer, but if you read through this entire post, you’ll understand what it comes down to.

All of our lives, in some way or another, are interlaced into each other’s existence. 

Think about this for a moment:

Have you ever wondered why you feel good whenever you’re with the ones you love?

Or on the flip side, if you don’t have anyone in your personal life; have you wondered why you’re so repelled by those who are; in your opinion, too happy?

Well, for the first statement; the answer is quite clear. There are two reasons for this

The reason you’re strongly attracted to your loved ones (or even those around you who you associate with), is because of how they make you feel. Your brain translates the emotions you feel, and in turn, the neurons in our brain transmits messages to the part of our brain which houses our emotional cortex. We are, by design or by freak accident, compelled to be close to our loved ones because of the way they make us feel about ourselves.

True love is the opposite. Let me explain.

With true love, whenever we witness our loved one having a happy moment, we then become happy ourselves. Without a doubt, this is what true love is comprised of.

On the other side, whenever you don’t want anyone to get “too close” to you, emotionally speaking, then you are most likely wounded from a past experience in your life which has left your soul temporarily disfigured.

The strange part of this, is that during our everyday interactions, we often don’t put much “soul” into the interactions we have with others; and this is obviously because we can’t trust strangers.

So what I’m talking about, is whenever you’ve foster a friendship with another person, and you suddenly feel as though you don’t want to hang out with them anymore, or you just don’t want to deal with hearing them. This is society’s fault, in many regards; but in the end, it really is your own choice in how you react to this feeling of dissociation. Society, since the beginning of time, has always been a massive contradiction.

The only time we truly come together, is in times of struggle and hardship. This creates and fosters a strong bond between those who are a part of such a community. Thus, in turn, any “outsiders” from that moment onward, are then seen as an “invader” into this dynamic.

Thus, in modern society, to no one’s fault, we’ve all become dissociated from one another due to the competitive nature of life (not just capitalism; sure it intensifies this truth of life greatly, but in reality, life has always been cold, ruthless, and a never-ending struggle when seen from our human perspective).

In fact, life itself, when viewed outside of our own personal lives, is pointless. And I don’t just mean pointless in the way a young adult might see it. No, I mean pointless in the manner that every single aspect of our societal lives are tangibly pointless. True life, which is outside of society’s safe and comforting boundaries, is where the meaning hides. But then again, life outside the boundaries of comforts and lies is a harsh reality. Of course, with every negative aspect, comes a positive outcome as well.

Life, when lived “naturally” gives us a stimulating reason to live. Without this stimulating aspect of life, our human existence can seem “pointless”. Yet without the safety and comfort of society, life is feral, fully vicious, and unkind to levels unknown by many of us as humans living in the modern “First World” countries.

So in many probabilities, life in society is likely the better of two evils. The only downside to society, is that most people don’t usually actively feel the need to participate in it. This is a side affect of living in a “profits first” business-environment. Due to this kind of existence, humans have undoubtedly made life more complicated than it already is. Because of the “inefficiencies” of human effort in workplaces, we have degraded ourselves and our fellow brothers and sisters to mere “numbers”. We’re all just seen as algorithms, statistics; data. All of us waiting our turn in a line that leads to small gratification and more suffering in the end.

But the truth is, the alternative is scarier. For some people though, that alternative is their only way out; it’s their only comfort in a society which no longer looks out for their basic needs as human beings.

This is where my own personal experience comes into play into the narrative of this truth and reality. During darker times in my young adult life, I was faced with this dilemma and tried with my best efforts to try and find a way to solve this puzzle we as human beings have created for our children, for our working-class people, and for our elderly. The truth that I’ve found, is one which I don’t think I’ll ever share in the fear that it will crush any such hope or inspiration to see change occur in our world, even at a micro-level.

Moving back to the topic at hand; individually, when we find ourselves in our most vulnerable or private moments with ourselves, we find that life has much more meaning when we begin to foster our imagination. That’s the trick of life; it’s all about creating your own personal world in your mind which makes you feel confident and assured about yourself. In turn, it makes you not care so much what negative people have to say to you.

Anyways, I want to end today’s post here before I go on any further. I have a lot of other topics which I’ll be delving into, but for now, I think this should be a good spot to end.

Remember to always trust your gut instinct, and never doubt your intuition whenever you’re in doubt about something, someone, or anything that may seem a bit off. Life’s full of surprises, twists, turns, and adventures – so make the best of it!

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel