Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Ancient Mystics & Seers Were Mathematical Statisticians

I believe that Mystics and Seers in the ancient world (and in today’s world as well) must have secretly been Statisticians. They must have used statistics in their daily lives whenever they were helping to “predict” someone’s future. They did this simply by knowing some basic knowledge of who their client was. A really good Mystic or Seer likely knew everyone in the town or city they lived in. That’s probably why they were able to “accurately” (or closely enough) predict what that person’s future was to hold for them. They must have seen the probabilities and likelihood of events that can happen in a human’s life span.

Undoubtedly, the best types of Mystics and Seers are those who have “intuition”. Those types of Mystics and Seers utilize both their instincts and their logic. That is possibly one of the deadliest combinations a person can ever wield.

You see, the best Mystics and Seers imbue both the logical and complex world of statistics with the world of strong intuition and common sense. This is what makes them so coveted and even feared.

When I was younger, I always wondered what the magic was behind “Fortune-Tellers”. I always wondered if there was some kind of trick or hidden secret they knew that I simply would never uncover or understand. But now that I’m older, I’ve come to decipher their secret craft and trade. The answer, however, was definitely not what I thought it would be. But nevertheless, I am convinced that these types of “gifted” people are merely “touched” with the gift to understand and utilize what we call “statistics” in todays modern world.

Think about it in this context:

When Rome was about to “fall” from it’s position of military power over it’s neighboring countries and nations, I’m certain many of those who were skilled at “foresight” knew what was about to happen within a couple of months. They could sense, based off of any information they could gather from the high-class society of Roman society, and also with the general unrest that was growing even from within their boundaries. There are likely many sources of evidence that led to the eventual downfall of Rome as an empire, but likely, this “predestined” fall was undoubtedly already predicted based off the information many Mystics and Seers had gathered over the span of a couple of months.

That’s also probably why many people found Mystics and Seers so mysterious to begin with. They likely were misunderstood in terms of not understanding how they perceived and took-in information. They likely deciphered scenarios unfolding in vastly different ways then a common person could at that time. You see, religion was the ruling authority of the ancient world. Thus, mathematics, science, or anything else that had to deal with the scary “logical” side of reality, was banned from the mainstream of many different societies. It wasn’t always this way, but history has a strange way of falling into historical cycles. Repeating history is inevitable to some degree, but that is simply because we are human and we’ll never truly change who we are.

In summary; Statistics, this single branch of the overall mathematics curriculum, is probably one of the most descriptive and arduous math courses one can take in their lifetime. There’s something in-depth about it; knowing the mere probabilities of an event occurring. It’s so mind-stimulating and intense; it undoubtedly makes me giddy with joy just wondering about all of the possibilities out there in the world.

I would certainly love to find out more about this, but I think for today, that should do it for this post. Some things, perhaps, are better left unspoken.

 

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Philosophical Journey (Part 2)

Hello everyone, it’s R.S. Noel here with another post. I first wanted to start off by saying thank you to all of my new followers; I’ve been reading many of your interesting articles over the past few days, and it’s inspired me to let go of some of the small biting fear still lingering inside of me. Over the next following years, I want to share with all of you the reflection of our shared world and reality.

Since time immemorial, humans have strived for survival. We’ve strived for a life worth fighting for, a life worth experiencing. Many-a-times, our ancestors failed. Other times though, they’ve succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. But what defines success? In fact, I realized my definition of success may very well in fact be largely different from the definition of success society has thrust upon us.

To me, success is defined as achieving some form or level of enlightenment in your own personal life. Once a person has achieved this general sense of acceptance and happiness, their life truly begins to flourish in ways indescribable in any human words. It’s as though the adventure of a lifetime has just begun, and you suddenly find yourself aboard the ship embarking on this esoteric and mysterious journey. It’s as though the thrill of the unknown no longer scares you. More importantly, you begin to change without even realizing it at first glance.

There are so many unheard secrets, unattended emotions, and unfulfilled desires surrounding us in our daily lives. It’s a silent cry to live a life worth living and experiencing. Though my societal life may not be up-to-par with what our human civilization may deem as “successful”, my personal life has flourished immensely; and I’ve come to thank God for giving me this very specific and particular life.

The true meaning of life? It’s simply to enjoy the company of your loved ones, your friends, and the many new people you may very well meet throughout your lifetime.

It really is as simple as this. Nothing else should ever get in the way of you and your loved ones. Life holds so much more meaning and depth when you begin to shed away the layers and layers of lies and deception our modern-day society has spoon-fed us since birth. Life is so truly beautiful and tragic, and it would be a shame to not be able to experience all of this in it’s entirety.

My heart races every time I write, my mind tinkers and moves with the waves of emotions and logic like an ocean long-forgotten. I swim deep within the ether of life and death, finding myself on the very fine and thin line between this world and the next. Philosophy is this experience, and so much more. It is Truth, it is the acknowledgement of The Other, it is the acceptance of indifferences, and moreover, philosophy is the very definition of madness.

It’s grander than any modern-day drama or play, and it’s more real than any of the false idols the mainstream media tries to forcibly shove down our throats.

There’s a real sense of beauty in the sadness as well, but moreover, there’s a definitive grace and alluring aroma to joy. Both of these combined create quite the life worth experiencing. It helps to shape your consciousness to better understand the truths, lies, and everything in-between. It helps you to secretly know when someone is lying to you, it helps you in times when you recognize genuine intent, and it can certainly help you when you feel uncertain.

Trust your gut instinct, it’s there for a reason.

We cannot fail, because there is no such thing as failing. Failing is defined only in society. In the natural world, you can never fail, because you will always try your hardest and damnedest.

It’s grit that gets us through the tough times, it’s a sense of morality of what we see as right or wrong which creates our environment. Don’t forget the depths of your love either, for that is the energy source of all creations and great things. That is the only force in the whole universe that is uniquely human. It is something even the darkest of nights could never take away; for its’ flames burn eternal. As long as humans exist, it will always burn.

We live for our loved ones, we live for our hobbies and charity-work. We live for the days of great joy and great sorrow. We live for the songs of storytelling. Our lives our defined not by what we say, but by what we do.

Heart of passion and agony is what makes life worth living. It creates an experience of grander and specialty. It fosters the deep drive within all of us to create a story and carve out a path that will never again be walked or experienced. No one knows the thoughts that swirl in your mind at night, for your life is yours alone. 

And even though we may die alone, we create memories together. This has always comforted me, it has always reminded me that even enemies make great companions when death has met you halfway.

Think of all of the times you may have felt yourself question the validity of your life. Think back to all of the days you questioned why you’re still alive. If you can remember as far back as possible; think back to those happier days of when you felt truly alive and well.

Those thoughts, memories, and emotions you felt will never die out. Those are your creations alone, and nobody can ever take that away from you, no matter how much they may hate or despise you.

I know the road ahead of me is one riddled in pain, suffering, and great unknown. But I’ve come to accept this reality. I forgive any hatred, any such malice, and any misunderstandings that may arise. I’ll do whatever it takes to make a future where humans are the main concern – not automations, not profits generated from corporations, and certainly, not those who would wish harm on others.

My end-goal in life? That will remain a secret until the day I die. But what I will say; is that I hope it’s not too late. I hope this post has reminded you, in some small or large way, that you still have a duty to fulfill as a human being. You are still needed here on Earth, even if it’s to keep you loved ones company. You can’t back down, not now. For our lives, in death, hold no more meaning then the darkness of the universe. But in life, we can create such catastrophic change that nothing in the world could ever be prepared for the healing, comfort, and truth you bring along. You have your whole life to change the world; and even if your older, as long as your still alive and breathing, you haven’t failed.

Make amends with your past, move onto a more adventurous future, and always remember, that your heart, your passion, and your love will be cherished until the ends of time itself. For love is a human emotion, and no matter how vast or wide the universe is, nothing can ever eradicate or swallow that truth.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Philosophical Journey (Part 1)

Hello everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post; and today I’ll be talking about the true meaning of life. It’s a complex answer, but if you read through this entire post, you’ll understand what it comes down to.

All of our lives, in some way or another, are interlaced into each other’s existence. 

Think about this for a moment:

Have you ever wondered why you feel good whenever you’re with the ones you love?

Or on the flip side, if you don’t have anyone in your personal life; have you wondered why you’re so repelled by those who are; in your opinion, too happy?

Well, for the first statement; the answer is quite clear. There are two reasons for this

The reason you’re strongly attracted to your loved ones (or even those around you who you associate with), is because of how they make you feel. Your brain translates the emotions you feel, and in turn, the neurons in our brain transmits messages to the part of our brain which houses our emotional cortex. We are, by design or by freak accident, compelled to be close to our loved ones because of the way they make us feel about ourselves.

True love is the opposite. Let me explain.

With true love, whenever we witness our loved one having a happy moment, we then become happy ourselves. Without a doubt, this is what true love is comprised of.

On the other side, whenever you don’t want anyone to get “too close” to you, emotionally speaking, then you are most likely wounded from a past experience in your life which has left your soul temporarily disfigured.

The strange part of this, is that during our everyday interactions, we often don’t put much “soul” into the interactions we have with others; and this is obviously because we can’t trust strangers.

So what I’m talking about, is whenever you’ve foster a friendship with another person, and you suddenly feel as though you don’t want to hang out with them anymore, or you just don’t want to deal with hearing them. This is society’s fault, in many regards; but in the end, it really is your own choice in how you react to this feeling of dissociation. Society, since the beginning of time, has always been a massive contradiction.

The only time we truly come together, is in times of struggle and hardship. This creates and fosters a strong bond between those who are a part of such a community. Thus, in turn, any “outsiders” from that moment onward, are then seen as an “invader” into this dynamic.

Thus, in modern society, to no one’s fault, we’ve all become dissociated from one another due to the competitive nature of life (not just capitalism; sure it intensifies this truth of life greatly, but in reality, life has always been cold, ruthless, and a never-ending struggle when seen from our human perspective).

In fact, life itself, when viewed outside of our own personal lives, is pointless. And I don’t just mean pointless in the way a young adult might see it. No, I mean pointless in the manner that every single aspect of our societal lives are tangibly pointless. True life, which is outside of society’s safe and comforting boundaries, is where the meaning hides. But then again, life outside the boundaries of comforts and lies is a harsh reality. Of course, with every negative aspect, comes a positive outcome as well.

Life, when lived “naturally” gives us a stimulating reason to live. Without this stimulating aspect of life, our human existence can seem “pointless”. Yet without the safety and comfort of society, life is feral, fully vicious, and unkind to levels unknown by many of us as humans living in the modern “First World” countries.

So in many probabilities, life in society is likely the better of two evils. The only downside to society, is that most people don’t usually actively feel the need to participate in it. This is a side affect of living in a “profits first” business-environment. Due to this kind of existence, humans have undoubtedly made life more complicated than it already is. Because of the “inefficiencies” of human effort in workplaces, we have degraded ourselves and our fellow brothers and sisters to mere “numbers”. We’re all just seen as algorithms, statistics; data. All of us waiting our turn in a line that leads to small gratification and more suffering in the end.

But the truth is, the alternative is scarier. For some people though, that alternative is their only way out; it’s their only comfort in a society which no longer looks out for their basic needs as human beings.

This is where my own personal experience comes into play into the narrative of this truth and reality. During darker times in my young adult life, I was faced with this dilemma and tried with my best efforts to try and find a way to solve this puzzle we as human beings have created for our children, for our working-class people, and for our elderly. The truth that I’ve found, is one which I don’t think I’ll ever share in the fear that it will crush any such hope or inspiration to see change occur in our world, even at a micro-level.

Moving back to the topic at hand; individually, when we find ourselves in our most vulnerable or private moments with ourselves, we find that life has much more meaning when we begin to foster our imagination. That’s the trick of life; it’s all about creating your own personal world in your mind which makes you feel confident and assured about yourself. In turn, it makes you not care so much what negative people have to say to you.

Anyways, I want to end today’s post here before I go on any further. I have a lot of other topics which I’ll be delving into, but for now, I think this should be a good spot to end.

Remember to always trust your gut instinct, and never doubt your intuition whenever you’re in doubt about something, someone, or anything that may seem a bit off. Life’s full of surprises, twists, turns, and adventures – so make the best of it!

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel