Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

HALLOWEEN: A Time of Infinite and Unyielding Creativity!

Well, it’s my favorite time of the year again! Being inspired at a young age from the inquisitive and creative nature of Halloween, I’ve always had a deep-rooted adoration for everything and anything spooky, magical, and haunting on this most special of days.

From the days of being an advent reader (and watcher) of the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, to going outside and causing mayhem in the streets of my hometown with my “angel”-like friends, to binge-watching anything even remotely terrifying [Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Original), Halloween (Series), A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shinning, etc.]; Halloween for me has correlated with the one time out of the year where I could enjoy the company of those closest to me.

In recent years, it has represented something more special however. Halloween, to me, represents a time of reflection on the history of the world.

For some reason or another, I’ve been taking Halloween as a time to remember all of the different key moments in our world’s history. To the magnificent Roman Empire that Augustus Caesar created, to the days of ancient China and her rule of ruthlessness, to the history behind Stonehenge; Halloween has recently held a very special place in my heart for reasons unlike what it is celebrated for. It has become the one time out of the year where I can genuinely reflect upon things otherwise forgotten.

As the days meld into years, and as I grow older and realize my mortality is upon me; I’ve begun to feel a deeper connection to even the most seemingly insignificant of aspects to life. I feel one with the world during this holiday. I’m reminded of all the boundless sources of creativity awaiting to be tapped into; waiting to be explored through.

I feel like a kid again; running around and jumping into the fallen autumn leaves. I feel the cold-winds of preemptive Winter calling my name; reminding me of life’s cycle of life and death.

It makes me feel adventurous; it makes me feel like I can take on the whole world all at once and live through such an experience.

It makes me aggressive again. It rekindles an almost dim fire within me. It reminds me of my long-forgotten ambitions. Though I am 24 years old, I feel like a spritely 99 year old man. I feel as though I have conquered ancient ruins, ethereal jungles, and expansive deserts.

It fills me with dreamy images of teleporting back in time to an existence on Earth when temples were pristine and civilization was just at the root of fruition. I close my eyes and wonder what fate has in store for the world.

I can feel the strange winds now; an unfamiliar ocean breeze filled with air so crisp not even I can recognize it.

As I reopen my eyes, I can see dirt-filled faces marred with unsettling fear. I remember that life for our collective ancestors was one likely ruled by lies, deceit, and deception.

For all the natural beauty around, though, I quickly lose myself in Earth’s bounty.

I escape.

I run away from civilization, make a trail of my own. I feel the whiplash of the winds now as it basks me with new purpose.

I rise.

I find my footing in stranger lands, filled with stranger people still.

I meet new allies, new companions as well who accompany me on my travels to foolishly change the world. But I’m young at heart; nothing can stop me. Not even an emperor or dictator. Nothing stands in the way of my desire for freedom of choice for all human beings on Earth. Nothing sways my unyielding resolve. I fight for the people, sacrificing myself at any cost possible.

You see, I feel like myself again on Halloween. For one reason or another, I feel connected to everyone around me during this time of the year. There’s something deeper and darker to life, yet the light beneath such a void is yet one undiscovered. 

Though I may never live to see happier days for our civilization, I will always continue to use my creative force for change. No matter how small, or how large, it may be; I will always honor the creativity that comes along with Halloween.

With that said; may you and yours truly have a fun-filled Halloween! I hope you enjoy your time with your family, friends, and close acquaintances. Remember that life only holds meaning when shared with those who love you, and who you love back.

And whenever you’re in doubt, just look up to the sky and wonder. Let your imagination run wild every once in a while. Who knows, maybe you’ll go on the adventure of a lifetime…

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Source of photo: (click me to view photo credits)!