Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

In Times of Darkness

Some days are more difficult than others; but I’ve recently discovered that no matter where you are in your life, you can always make the best of any situation no matter the adversity. After all, there’s no true end-goal in our lives; there are only opportunities to succeed or fail.

Hi everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post, and today I’ll be discussing the amazing power within you and me.

In times of darkness, we can become more than just ordinary people. We are all incredibly talented in one way or another; and as human beings, we have the chance and opportunity to truly take what is ours. In this society driven by pure competition and favoritism; we as people can still find ways to make a difference in the world. We need 3 things: hard-work, opportunity, and luck. Even if people try to sabotage you in some way, or even if you feel under-appreciated in your work, or even if you think you’ll never succeed; the truth of the matter is that you have to try first in order to know what you can do to better your chances of success at whatever it is you’re actively working at.

I’ve realized at 24 years of age, that nothing is impossible. Truly nothing. You can quite literally materialize whatever you so desire into the real world without any opposition. One way or another, you will succeed – even if it’s not the way you had once originally envisioned it to be like.

I think the beautiful thing about life right now is that we’re living in a very unique period of vast-knowledge and also a time of grave uncertainty. It is a clash of both something good and something incredibly bad. Of course, that’s how life usually works. There must always be a Yang to every Yin. No matter how bad we want life to be this easy road to success, we have to remember that reality is much harsher than that. We must make sacrifices in order to achieve whatever it is that we want. We must also remember that we must put in the necessary time in order to make things work.

For example, my older brother who is just about to turn 31 years old, has had a plan set in motion since he was 20. He has already completed college with a degree in graphic designing. But he’s content with his job, which is working at the local supermarket. He has gained about 12 years already with his store, and he plans to retire from there and eventually find another job to coincide with his retirement checks from the supermarket. This is something that he has actively worked at and I am really proud of him. Of course, other people may see this as a failure, but I see it as an achievement. He’s part of a union, and he’ll likely never get fired or laid-off, so he has more security in his job than many other people his age. That is certainly something to be proud of, especially since we live in an age of massive instability.

I digress though, back to the main topic at hand.

In times of darkness, we are faced with a multitude of personal questions which we must answer in order to move ahead in our own lives.

Like; where do I want to be in 5 years? In 10 years?

What kind of lifestyle do I want to live by?

Do I want to be married and have kids one day soon? Or am I a free spirit who would rather travel around America or the world?

These are the kinds of questions we must all ask ourselves as we grow older and more aware of our own surroundings. Life has never been easy or simple; that’s the truth of it. That’s why every time I hear “why do humans have to make life so difficult” I merely laugh to myself in silence. Humans were meant to make life difficult. We aren’t a docile or even quiet breed of creatures. We are intelligent, proud, and even opinionated (some more than others). EVERYONE’s lives are difficult, no matter what kind of government system we have. no matter what societal rules we construct, and no matter what expectations we place on our people.

Life for humans was never designed to be “simple” or “easy”. It was created to be challenging. It was meant to be a life-or-death experience. It was meant to be cherished and scorned. Life for humans was meant to be a life-long journey wrought with happiness and pain all mixed together. To push ourselves further than we could ever imagine. Life is a roller-coaster with only one end, that being death. So you might as well get out there and take life by the horns.

Nobody will make that choice for you; only you can make those hard decisions in life yourself.

That’s what I think is a potential problem with our modern day society. Our parents, grandparents, etc., etc., have really coddled us into being “too soft”. Four years ago, I was a completely different man than I am today. Sometimes I can’t even begin to fathom how I used to be. I would have never survived in the world by myself if I never evolved and matured. And even still, I have much left to learn and grow from. That’s a natural process to life after all. If you try and stop the inevitable change from happening, than you’ll never be fully prepared for what life has to offer us.

In times of darkness, there are moments which escape us that can never be recalled again. If we let slip those opportunities of hardship, we may never grow if we don’t accept the challenges that await us on the other side.

I once dated a girl for 3 years who was older than me and was afraid to live life. She was shy, a bit on the quiet side, and wasn’t completely sure of herself. Rest assured, after the 3 years we were together, she had blossomed into a woman who was sure of herself and of her goals in life. She wanted to go to New York City and live there; she wanted to experience and learn new things in life beyond college since she finished. She wanted to become an active participant in her own life story. That’s what I love to see; growth. Even though it didn’t work out for us, and we had our differences, I’m still glad that I was able to get her out of her shell. Whoever ends up with her as a partner will be very lucky to have her. She was an incredible young woman, and had become very communicative and open.

Things happen in life; and as you go through changes in your own life, you’ll begin to see the differences around you. You’ll begin to see the many different possibilities out there for you to grab. You’ll begin to understand that you’re bound to make mistakes. More importantly, you’ll begin to appreciate living your life a little more than you might take for granted now.

Conclusively, I think it’s safe to say that you owe it to yourself to go do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Start that project you’ve always wanted to finish; see where it leads you. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to travel yourself; starting making a financial goal for your traveling needs. It’s never too late to start something new; we as human beings are never done learning. We are ever-evolving and always learning new concepts, ideas, and truths. Don’t let the fear of failure overrule your desire to try something new. That’s the biggest issue in the world, and especially at a time of vast uncertainty as we’re currently facing in our world, there really is no better time to get started on your life then right now.

So go out there and make a difference, even if it’s a small one. After all, all great things in the world have relatively small and insignificant beginnings.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Arkanim: Tales of the Enlightened Ones

Hello everyone! It’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post. For today, I’m going to make it short and also provide another excerpt from Arkanim: Tales of the Enlightened Ones. This is another work-in-progress book that I’ve been writing for a while now. To be honest, this is the very first work-in-progress book I had originally started on when I was young. But through the years, growing-up got the better of me, and I had put this story aside.

Now, however, it’s come into my life once again.

 

The following is a work-in-progress by me, R.S. Noel. I hold and maintain all the rights for the work presented below. Thank you for your interest and understanding. Enjoy!:

 

It was growing. All around her, she could hear the sounds of light footsteps, of silent windy whispers gliding through the jungle’s vines, of the many different sounds of nature that were now engulfing the foreigners. Rhea couldn’t distinguish between what noise belonged to a human and what noise belonged to the wild life of these unruly jungles.

There was no doubt in her mind that they were being watched closely, it was only a matter of time before something immensely uncertain happened.

Rhea could hear Merthus beginning to breath slightly faster now as the boy had undoubtedly noticed the subtle changes in the Flurrus Jungle as well. Rhea wished at this very moment that she could just comfort the small child, but she knew that it was hopeless to even pretend that everything was all right. She knew that they just needed to survive through this experience. Their lives had become nothing more than the basic instinct of survival. Nothing else mattered; just their willpower to make it out of this mess alive.

Moving a bit quicker through the narrow path they were walking upon, Rhea could tell that Zante was increasingly growing worried as he appeared to turn his head slightly left and right from time to time. Rhea knew that the man was surely trying to figure out if the hidden Urksinians were going to show themselves right now or not.

She knew now at this very moment that Zante Qitzo truly did care for their wellbeing. If Rhea had any doubts before, they were put to rest as her eyes maintained a steady gaze on the back of Zante’s head. This was the only thing that Rhea could manage to look at, as she feared trying to avert her gaze even slightly away towards the noises that were only continuing to grow around her. It would only serve to bring more trouble to them.

In the distance from this curving road riddled with dark soil, Rhea could see two large arching gates that were closed shut. She could not see beyond that point, as there appeared to be plenty of large vines and roots covering the otherwise visible sight of the village certainly behind the gates.

Some of Rhea’s hair covered her face lightly now, as a tailwind swept to the left side of her. She knew that this was no natural occurrence. Her eyes grew wide with fascination. Someone was running unimaginably fast now behind the veil of the thick jungle life to her left. Rhea did not dare to remove her hair from her face, as she now looked dead straight ahead without even entertaining the thought that she could look elsewhere. Her eyes were wide with paralyzed fear. She knew her inner fear was showing, and she cursed very silently underneath her breath as she wished for nothing else but to hide such vulnerable emotions.

It was without question that Rhea, Merthus, and Dasca were simply not welcomed here. Even before she had seen any of the Urksinians within the village of Kinkuly itself, Rhea was now starting to understand the workings of different people from different parts of the world.

As the group neared closer to the heavily vegetated gates that surely led into the village of Kinkuly, Rhea could see four guardsmen standing ever so silently amongst the vines. Rhea had not seen them before, and likely because they were wearing armor that was the same shade of green as the verdant gates. She was in awe at how unmoving they were, better than statues. Certainly the messenger that Zante had sent ahead of them had let these guardsmen know that they were nearing the village. And by they, Rhea knew she was thinking more along the lines of Dasca, Merthus, and herself.

Gorgirians were not exactly on friendly terms with Urksinians.

Rhea could feel the intensity of those behind her, as she momentarily shut her eyes to allow her fears to subside just a little more.

Then, that’s when it happened.

Jumping from the many trees that were grouped tightly together on both sides of the narrow path – came down about nine native Urksinians. They all appeared intimidating and full of untapped energy. Most of them were men, broad shouldered and towering in size. About two of them were Urksinian women, still equally intimidating with their bulging muscles and unfamiliar physiques.

Yet it was one of the Urksinian men that started to walk straight up to Zante that really caught Rhea’s fearful attention. This man had the broadest of shoulders amongst the newfound Urksinians, thick arms the size of tree trunks, and powerful legs that could likely crush even a newborn gorgus.

He landed squarely in front of Zante as he stared at the man with an unflinching gaze that appeared to bulge out with deep hatred. “Zante Qitzovena’lu hega nemno qora-dod belsion!” [Zante Qitzo…you’ve come back home with slaves in tow!].

Though Rhea had no idea what this unknown new man had just said, she could tell Zante was guarding any sign of emotions as he responded back clearly and with a deepened voice. “Jersde leme’neleno, cirlee; nem belsion.” [They are foreigners, guests; not slaves].

 

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of Photo: (Click Me to View Photo Credits)