Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Discovering Yourself and Others in Mathematics

Good day everyone, it’s R.S. Noel here with another post. I first want to start this post by thanking all of my new and returning followers, it’s an honor to have such an audience of diverse and intriguing backgrounds. Moreover, I want to also say that I’ve read some of your articles during the small free time that I have, and I’m inspired by the different topics and discussion points each of you has to bring into WordPress’ network. 

I want to say one simple truth before I begin: life has many experiences that makes it what it is for human beings. But what I’ll be discussing today is going to be purely from the perspective of “cause and effect” in terms of how it may look algorithmically. 

Put simply, if you’ve ever seen the movie (or read the book) of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”, then you’ll remember that the answer of life is “42”.

Even though the answer “42” may be for comic relief; the whole premise of the joke is that life appears to be “unsolvable”.

Yet in real life, aside from movies, books, and other such forms of entertainment or sources of information; the equations and probabilities conjured up to find the many different answers to life are easily explainable indeed.

When someone does an act of kindness for another human being, there’s a hidden burst of energy that both people feel. It may not be tangible, but the feeling is undeniable in its existence. Just like how we know dark matter exists in the universe, so does the energy we feel inside. Caused by neurons and the dopamine that is released, these good feelings come in the form of “stimulants” to our brains.

So what does any of this have to do with finding yourself and others in mathematics?

Well, once you begin to see the patterns of life, you’ll begin to notice that life exists in two forms for us.

The first pattern, is the pattern of our conceptualized world. This is the part of life that can be predicted quite easily with equations of probabilities. To determine outcomes in this part of life is quite straightforward (for the most part). This is the world in which we see each other everyday and understand how the world operates in terms of work, society, our families, and so forth. This is the logical side of life.

The second pattern, is the unknown pattern. Now this one requires those professionals who truly understand and breathe mathematics in a way that most of us simply will never quite understand. Due to the fact that this side of life, when solved by using complex equations consisting of probabilities more complex than anything we may know it today’s mathematics; usually gives us answers which are not “simple”. It gives us answers that have different variances, answers that will likely have meaning both metaphorically and literally. It’s the side of life that makes for an interesting story or for a worthwhile experience. We can never truly quantify this other side of life. It’s full of variables that we simply cannot even begin to fathom. This is the world in which sometimes the impossible is made possible. This is the side of life we often refer to as the “spiritual” world, or the magical side of life.

So you see, when one begins to see that life is both simple and complex (by no interference of humans as well), one begins to unlock a true sense of deeper knowledge about not only themselves, but those around them as well.

You begin to understand why a person would marry their significant other, you’ll begin to understand why certain wars happen over the course of “x” amount of years. You begin to see why someone who seemingly “has it all”, begins to spiral into a behavior that is “unbecoming” of who we think they are. You start to see both the “good” and “bad” parts of life, giving you a more wholesome picture of what your life has become and where it’s going in terms of natural evolution. That’s why no one hardly ever stays the same, because life has always been about change.

About adapting to change, about embracing the possibilities of changing environments. Nothing ever lasts forever, you must understand how imperative it is for you to grow. For if you stop progressing in life, in your personal life at least, you’ll never be able to uncover the magical side of life. And no, I’m necessarily alluding to your “career”, I’m talking about your own private moments of solitude with your family or yourself in general. Those are the moments that count the most. Of course, work will always be important, or else we would all go crazy with all the free time we would have on our hands. But in fact I’m not talking about such matters. That’s more on the side of common sense.

Once you begin to admit to yourself how imperative it is for you to take a hold of your personal life, you begin to uncover a side of life which is rarely, if ever, talked about.

Knowledge truly is powerful. Once you obtain a small piece of it, it can certainly be either a very helpful, or very dangerous, thing indeed. Tread the path with a steady mind, friend; for this lifetime is full of unforeseen obstacles and unlikely outcomes.

 

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel