Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Update on Life Thus Far!

Hey everyone, it’s R.S. Noel, here with a brief update! I hope you’re having a good day so far! It’s nice to finally get some time to catch up on what some of you guys have been up to lately; especially since I don’t have much of a social life anymore (thanks to school and work and YouTube and my dog and this and that…lol). At any rate, life after the holiday seasons seems to be the time of the year where we all transition back into our normal, daily habits (for better or for worse). It’s the time when we begin to fall back into our habits and also when we begin to break our “New Year’s resolutions”. Because let’s face it, only a small portion of people actually believe in New Year’s resolutions. If you really want to accomplish a goal, you’ll do it whenever the time arrives for you to make a decision.

With that stated; I’m sorry for being away for such a long time. College is kicking into high(er) gear and I’ve found myself swamped with my projects and assignments. I just took my Econ 102 Exam #1, and believe I got somewhere between a 96%-99% on it (UPDATE: I got an 86% lol, so much for the overconfidence xD). Of course, we’ll just have to wait and find out what I really got on it. Perhaps my professor will have it ready for us by tomorrow, but I doubt it since we just took it on Thursday. I already checked online and she hasn’t been able to update the grades yet; so my best bet is that she’ll have it up by tomorrow or Wednesday (U.S./Pacific Time).

(Also; side note! I’ve seen some success on YouTube lately, and thought of sharing it with you. So you can click anywhere on this sentence and it’ll take you to one of my more “popular” videos on my channel!)

Aside from Economics 102, I had two quizzes in my Accounting 120 class (computerized accounting), and got a 12/13 on the first one, and a 13/14 on the second one. There’s always a trick question on each quiz, so it really does add a layer of attention-to-detail to it. Not my favorite aspect to the quizzes, but nevertheless, I haven’t let that annoy me too much. In fact, I find that it helps me to realize what I’m missing whenever I’m looking at data sets or just questions in general when regarding QuickBooks or any other “basic” type of accounting system.

At any rate; when I’m not at school I’m most likely at work. I work only Fridays, Saturdays, and some Sundays at my place-of-employment (a boutique-like coffee shop). That definitely works with my schedule (It helps, because next semester I’ll be taking my last Economics class: Economics 101: Microeconomics, and I’ll also be taking my last novice Accounting class: Accounting 102: Managerial Accounting.) Not to mention, I’ll also be taking Business Law I (which is BUSAD 120) and and Written Business Communication (which is BUSAD 106). Both of those classes are “Business and Administration” classes (or as most college students abbreviate it to be: BUSAD). Luckily, I’ll be focusing almost entirely on Accounting/Financing/Computer Science once I transfer out of my community college to my CalState for my “Upper Division” requirements).

I suppose that leads me to what my major and minors will be. I’m majoring in Accounting; and double-minoring in Finance and Computer Science. In this day and age, you can never be “too-educated” or skilled. It seems like the job market is ever-the-competitive.

Now that all of that nonsense is out of the way; I did want to let you know that I have about 12 articles in reserve. They need a lot (and a mean A LOT) of reviewing and editing though before I even think of letting them lose into the wild known as the Internet. Again, sorry for the lack of content on the blog/website. I haven’t had any time at all to really just sit down and relax. However, I will try and find the time in the near-future (realistically, I should have some more time perhaps this weekend; and also some free time in about 2-weeks from next week). With that stated, if my schedule is freed up for this weekend, I’ll be dedicating it to primarily just editing my content here on the blog;  and also uploading another video to my YouTube channel.

Thank you to those who have decided to stick it out here on my blog/website; I can only promise you that I’ll have the next couple of articles (about 4-6) up within the next 3 weeks. After that, I have a week off (so I should be able to upload 4 in one week; and also write some more posts/articles in reserve). I can tell you right now that one of my articles in the editing process is about the Philippines and the social environment that’s currently been changed thanks to the President of the Philippines. Some of you may already know what I’m talking about, but I thought I’d just give you all a little hint.

Well, that’s all that’s really going on in my life at the moment. I’ll keep you guys posted periodically; but for now, I’ll be going back to studying and doing some more small projects here-and-there. You can expect the next post/article to be up by this weekend. Again, I appreciate all of the patience and support you’ve given me over the last couple of weeks. College is really crazy and hectic, but in the end- I’ll be better at networking and finding opportunities wherever they exist. No matter how hard it is for me to get through any obstacles, I know I can let my work ethic speak for itself. With that said, I will speak with you guys again in the future, till then ~

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

Source of picture: (click me to view photo credits!)

Gaining New Perspectives in Life

When you write, a lot of the times there are many different angles to look at any given situation you’re focused on. Whether you’re writing a non-fiction or fiction book, you’ll usually find yourself wondering which way is the best manner in which to start or view your topic of choice. It’s always important to see something from multiple viewpoints, you never want to look at a piece of writing and wonder what the purpose behind it is.

Yet this post isn’t about writing. No, it’s about the new perspectives gained through being more aware of your environment (both imagined and real).

Some of the best methods of gaining a new perspective in your life is to imagine what your own experience would be like in a different person’s position. Better yet, you can also imagine what the world must feel like on a daily basis. Just imagine what the life of a mouse must be like. Or even how the sound of a clock ticks while an empty house remains silent amidst a time of vast uncertainty. The possibilities are endless with this type of thinking.

There’s no end to creativity, the only limit is yourself. Never be too afraid, always question the validity of a person, a situation, or even the state of our world. The more you start to question, the more you begin to realize that everything in life is permitted. With this viewpoint, you can better understand a lot of the current world affairs in today’s globalized society.

A defining moment in any person’s life, is characterized by a sense of awakening, or even a sense of understanding herself/himself in the world and where they stand in it. It can be a truly humbling, and sometimes even terrifying, realization when you begin to understand and come to terms with a lot of the realities of our existence and what it even means to be human in this ever-changing environment. To grasp your own identity is the single best thing you can ever do, not only for yourself, but for those around you who truly love you and cherish you for who you are as a human being in the world.

On a more transparent note, I want to let you know, that perspective also helps you to heighten your sense of awareness of the crueler fates amidst our globalized world. Because in some manner, you will realize that even if you’re just one person in a sea of others, you can change the world (even if it is at a micro-level, it’s still very significant in the grander scheme of life). Your actions, especially during times of hardship and uncertainty in your society, can help to further strengthen the bonds and connections you have with those around you.

Perspective of different people, different life-forms, and different ideologies, is probably the best tool to have if you are a writer. You’re able to understand so many otherwise mysterious concepts in mainstream society. You’re able to better analyze why something happened, and the many different things that caused it.

It’s kind of like being a detective, but the only thing is, no one in the entire world knows you’re paying attention.

If you choose to be naïve or willingly ignorant, I cannot judge you. I used to judge people on being ignorant, back when I was a teenager. But now that I’m an adult, I’ve come to understand that everything (and I mean everything) has a reason for being the way it is; and those things don’t necessarily change as quickly as they should. Some things can stay the “same” for a very, very long time. Inevitably, however, things do change. Whether it be in minutes, hours, days, months, years, centuries, or a millennia – everything eventually succumbs to change.

I could go on, but my time is limited today. I have a lot of work to do, and so little time to finish it. If anything, I’ll leave you with one simple thought: hold the deepest parts of yourself close to your soul, but also let the world see a part of who you truly are. In this way, you can better build your own personality through the different tribulations and trials out there in our shared environment.

After all, we show only the parts of ourselves which we want the world to see. Ultimately, this is what makes perspective so fascinating and intriguing. Different perspectives are the only hidden truth worth discovering in this estranged and chaotic world.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

In Times of Darkness

Some days are more difficult than others; but I’ve recently discovered that no matter where you are in your life, you can always make the best of any situation no matter the adversity. After all, there’s no true end-goal in our lives; there are only opportunities to succeed or fail.

Hi everyone, it’s me R.S. Noel coming to you with another post, and today I’ll be discussing the amazing power within you and me.

In times of darkness, we can become more than just ordinary people. We are all incredibly talented in one way or another; and as human beings, we have the chance and opportunity to truly take what is ours. In this society driven by pure competition and favoritism; we as people can still find ways to make a difference in the world. We need 3 things: hard-work, opportunity, and luck. Even if people try to sabotage you in some way, or even if you feel under-appreciated in your work, or even if you think you’ll never succeed; the truth of the matter is that you have to try first in order to know what you can do to better your chances of success at whatever it is you’re actively working at.

I’ve realized at 24 years of age, that nothing is impossible. Truly nothing. You can quite literally materialize whatever you so desire into the real world without any opposition. One way or another, you will succeed – even if it’s not the way you had once originally envisioned it to be like.

I think the beautiful thing about life right now is that we’re living in a very unique period of vast-knowledge and also a time of grave uncertainty. It is a clash of both something good and something incredibly bad. Of course, that’s how life usually works. There must always be a Yang to every Yin. No matter how bad we want life to be this easy road to success, we have to remember that reality is much harsher than that. We must make sacrifices in order to achieve whatever it is that we want. We must also remember that we must put in the necessary time in order to make things work.

For example, my older brother who is just about to turn 31 years old, has had a plan set in motion since he was 20. He has already completed college with a degree in graphic designing. But he’s content with his job, which is working at the local supermarket. He has gained about 12 years already with his store, and he plans to retire from there and eventually find another job to coincide with his retirement checks from the supermarket. This is something that he has actively worked at and I am really proud of him. Of course, other people may see this as a failure, but I see it as an achievement. He’s part of a union, and he’ll likely never get fired or laid-off, so he has more security in his job than many other people his age. That is certainly something to be proud of, especially since we live in an age of massive instability.

I digress though, back to the main topic at hand.

In times of darkness, we are faced with a multitude of personal questions which we must answer in order to move ahead in our own lives.

Like; where do I want to be in 5 years? In 10 years?

What kind of lifestyle do I want to live by?

Do I want to be married and have kids one day soon? Or am I a free spirit who would rather travel around America or the world?

These are the kinds of questions we must all ask ourselves as we grow older and more aware of our own surroundings. Life has never been easy or simple; that’s the truth of it. That’s why every time I hear “why do humans have to make life so difficult” I merely laugh to myself in silence. Humans were meant to make life difficult. We aren’t a docile or even quiet breed of creatures. We are intelligent, proud, and even opinionated (some more than others). EVERYONE’s lives are difficult, no matter what kind of government system we have. no matter what societal rules we construct, and no matter what expectations we place on our people.

Life for humans was never designed to be “simple” or “easy”. It was created to be challenging. It was meant to be a life-or-death experience. It was meant to be cherished and scorned. Life for humans was meant to be a life-long journey wrought with happiness and pain all mixed together. To push ourselves further than we could ever imagine. Life is a roller-coaster with only one end, that being death. So you might as well get out there and take life by the horns.

Nobody will make that choice for you; only you can make those hard decisions in life yourself.

That’s what I think is a potential problem with our modern day society. Our parents, grandparents, etc., etc., have really coddled us into being “too soft”. Four years ago, I was a completely different man than I am today. Sometimes I can’t even begin to fathom how I used to be. I would have never survived in the world by myself if I never evolved and matured. And even still, I have much left to learn and grow from. That’s a natural process to life after all. If you try and stop the inevitable change from happening, than you’ll never be fully prepared for what life has to offer us.

In times of darkness, there are moments which escape us that can never be recalled again. If we let slip those opportunities of hardship, we may never grow if we don’t accept the challenges that await us on the other side.

I once dated a girl for 3 years who was older than me and was afraid to live life. She was shy, a bit on the quiet side, and wasn’t completely sure of herself. Rest assured, after the 3 years we were together, she had blossomed into a woman who was sure of herself and of her goals in life. She wanted to go to New York City and live there; she wanted to experience and learn new things in life beyond college since she finished. She wanted to become an active participant in her own life story. That’s what I love to see; growth. Even though it didn’t work out for us, and we had our differences, I’m still glad that I was able to get her out of her shell. Whoever ends up with her as a partner will be very lucky to have her. She was an incredible young woman, and had become very communicative and open.

Things happen in life; and as you go through changes in your own life, you’ll begin to see the differences around you. You’ll begin to see the many different possibilities out there for you to grab. You’ll begin to understand that you’re bound to make mistakes. More importantly, you’ll begin to appreciate living your life a little more than you might take for granted now.

Conclusively, I think it’s safe to say that you owe it to yourself to go do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Start that project you’ve always wanted to finish; see where it leads you. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to travel yourself; starting making a financial goal for your traveling needs. It’s never too late to start something new; we as human beings are never done learning. We are ever-evolving and always learning new concepts, ideas, and truths. Don’t let the fear of failure overrule your desire to try something new. That’s the biggest issue in the world, and especially at a time of vast uncertainty as we’re currently facing in our world, there really is no better time to get started on your life then right now.

So go out there and make a difference, even if it’s a small one. After all, all great things in the world have relatively small and insignificant beginnings.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel