Distant Intimacy (A Poem)

Our eternal bond crosses over from this reality, into the realm of endless possibilities.

Songs of purity ring out faintly through the dark abyss of forgotten and meaningless time.

In your smile, I see life.

In your eyes, I see change.

In the way life’s colorful winds enraptures us into a whirlwind of hope and intimacy, I begin to understand your soul as you begin to understand mine.

We lock eyes; forever hovering between that moment of contact and that moment of forever longing.

Awoken.

Yet now, in the light of day as I lay here awakened from the dreamy land, I find myself rediscovering what the purpose of life truly is about. Upon a land of tattered dreams and broken truths, I find peace in knowing there will always be love in the world.

In the dark of night; once found, I now find myself venturing through the spiraling corridors of truth. Within a kaleidoscope of endless torture, turmoil, and travesty – I now find comforting solace in my loneliness.

Your words were the only heavenly guide for my wayward heart. But as we’ve grown apart, I know our paths have diverged unto two separate and distant journeys.

I ponder only for a brief moment; ponder on what could have been. But I soon realize that I’ve become my own person as you have as well. You always knew that I’d wake up from my false reality to see the light of humanity’s truth.

We are beings meant to live freely when young. We are meant to explore both the physical world and the world within ourselves. We are meant to hold onto a deep-rooted intimacy with softened grasp; for nothing is ours to claim. We are merely guests to a world gracious enough to house us.

You were my everything, you were the joy to my life and the beating to my heart. But I’ve come to accept that there are so many ways one soul can love another. Even if it means from afar forevermore.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

(Click anywhere on this sentence to view the featured image on today’s post)!

The Meaning of Life (A Poem)

The Meaning of Life

For every breathe of life, there is a sigh of death.

For every act of kindness, there is an act of hatred.

For every moment of joy, there is one of sorrow.

For every beginning, there is an end.

The meaning of life encompasses these elements of reality. There’s a special sort of ebb-and-flow to the process. Something so ordinary at first glance; rapidly transitions to something so incredibly phantasmal and fantastical.

As our lives are ever weighed by the shifting times both ahead of us and behind us; our present-moment is ever morphing to adapt to the unseen trials and tribulations surrounding us.

Change is in the air, ever omnipotent and ever-present. Can you not feel it?

In your very bones, in your very soul and being. There’s something strange coming this way. And yet…there is also a hidden blessing in all of the chaos to ensue. A calling only you can answer.

It’s the call of the human experience.

When the world is faced with the coming dark hour, the cycle is preparing to start anew once more. As history repeats itself, so do we as a people.

For all of our glory and horrors, for all of our accomplishments and shame, and for all of our shared truths and deceptions – there is one constant reality to the universe around us.

Nothing ever stays the same.

Change is brewing.

A sense of immediate danger emits.

A silent hope bubbles above the surface.

Will you survive? Will I survive? What will become of our future?

Such are the questions of two love-birds who glide together for one last time before the currents of wind change their course forevermore. Even at this strange time in our world’s history – it is evident enough that history truly does repeat itself. Life for us has always been plagued with war and peacetime. Ever like a pendulum gliding back-and-forth ever so slowly.

Time is shifting.

You will be faced with many obstacles that will test everything you thought you stood for. You will begin to understand and see the world through new eyes. You’ll morph into a new person altogether, not familiar with the person you see from your reflection. Just like a pendulum too, you’ll eventually swing back to your old self. But for now, life is calling upon a darker self. A much more adaptable self.

Though the end is always inevitable, how will you change the world? For your future is just beyond the horizon…

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

(Click anywhere on this sentence to view the photo credit!)

Four Warriors of Light

(Here is the soundtrack which inspired this tale of daunting obstacles, devious foes, and a dream long forgotten…)

 

Four Warriors of Light

In the midst of chaos, uncertainty, and cold indifference – the world plunged itself into ever-consuming darkness.

The seas had wrought away with unnatural pollution.

The air had become poisoned by strange substances.

The earth had become infertile of the once beautiful and bountiful evergreens.

The fires of eternal war ravaged the world into an infinite cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

Tragic as it may sound, the world was overrun with strange hybrid creatures which brought about havoc unlike anything before seen on this world. These creatures were ginormous not only in height; but just as equally as deadly in design. Soulless beasts deprived of the right to live freely; their appetite was never satiated as they were intentionally programmed to be continuously on the hunt for human beings.

Yet the singular ray of hope that shined ever so narrowly unto this world of hopeless creatures and hapless beings, were that belonging to four such brave souls.

The first; was a mighty warrior. His courageous blade was forged in the depths of the brightest and most tempered flames ever found amidst this mortal world. Sharp as ever – both his bravery and his strike were equally matched. Though he led a life of unfair circumstances, his days of savage slavery made him into a warrior unlike any of his kind. His impenetrable determination to seek out justice wherever it may hide was clear from the onset. His people were born into such servitude with no true future to dream of. Even from a young age, the warrior was fearless and defiant in his own ways. He helped as many people as he could, and was ridiculed for doing so. Yet the trials and sufferings he endured through in his life certainly made him into the worthy fighter lore would remember him by forevermore.

The second; was a healer imbued with earth’s long forgotten well-spring of natural restorative powers. She was a woman of serene and uncorrupted kindness; for she was one of the lucky few in this twisted world to have been granted the blessings of the holy spirit. Through even the harshest war-time; her ability to persevere and aide those in need of assistance while enduring through turmoil and travesty was her defining trait. Her compassion and understanding of life knew no worldly bounds; and her secret inner-strength was what truly made her shine in even the darkest hour of fate. Unstoppable even at the behest of her own endangerment, this healer of renowned selfless act would never be forgotten in the hearts and minds of all those who followed in her footsteps. 

The third; was a magus of few words. The winds of discarded dreams and stained pasts followed his every move. Knowledgeable, highly in-tuned with his surroundings, and able to conjure up the strange workings of destructive elemental forces; his was a life stolen. Experimented on from a young age, this mysterious and silent man could easily wipe out an entire armada as fast as any machine of mass destruction could ever do. Having been a scientific experiment in one of the high-tech cities full of devious human beings, the magus was unfamiliar to kindness and good-of-heart. Undoubtedly so, his sense of deep distrust did serve for a righteous purpose. No secret ever escaped his ears, especially none belonging to those in positions of highly corruptible power.

The fourth; was a monk whom never gave up. She was the last of her kind; and thus as a consequence, her soul was that belonging to the transparency of water. She was just as agile and adaptive to her environment as any such being of aptitude. Once a leader of her people, the monk had once fought through destructive fleets of soldiers to ensure her people’s wellbeing. She had walked through the hard-earned glory of blood, sweat, and tears to avenge humanity’s lost sense of honor, duty, and loyalty. Though having failed everyone she once loved and cherished; the monk was not done yet. For her journey was just at the cusps of its truest beginnings.

Undoubtedly so, it would be fate’s working indeed that these four souls would meet at a cross-roads in their life.

Their effect on the world would span countless centuries, their actions would be reenacted throughout the eons, and their singular and combined hope for a better future would be remembered through sorrowful and bittersweet tears. The four warriors of light would not only make history, but they would also start the era of true freedom and salvation. Together, they would help remind the remaining humans left on this desolate world, what it truly meant to live amongst each other in harmony with innovation, knowledge, and truth as their pillars of change.

Though they would certainly meet in the most peculiar and implausible way imaginable; their tale would one day be known throughout the world as an ancient story worthy of tomes. And thus, the natural balance of equilibrium would once again be tipped in favor of light.

For how long this would last, however, was quite another story altogether…

 

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click anywhere on this sentence to view the credit for this photo!)

1 Year Anniversary!

(click anywhere on this sentence to view credit for this photo!)

Today marks the 365th day of me blogging! It’s been such an amazing ride here on WordPress’ network and I’m incredibly happy to have met so many great people on here during my first year of blogging.

I want to thank everyone that has supported me through this year. Through all of the hectic changes in my life, I think it’s best to say I’m blessed to still have a roof over my head. Life was never supposed to be fair, but this year of blogging (and living my life in general), taught me that nothing is ever guaranteed. Through a combination of luck, wit, charm, hard-work, and a dozen-or-so other traits; life is truly a rollercoaster full of unexpected twists and turns.

Thinking on it now, I suppose now would be the best time for you, my readers and audience members, to really get to know the man behind R.S. Noel.

Here are some questions I’ve composed to answer (with short and lengthy responses!).

For starters: why did I even start this website/blog?

Well, the short answer is that I felt the need to fill a gap in my time. I once had a lot of free-time and was able to express myself creatively more frequently then I do today.

The long answer? I’m an aspiring author who wants to publish a book (or 2, or 3….or 64)! I have an innate passion for writing, and I found my creative outlet here on WordPress’ network of other bloggers/photographers/creative minds. It’s awesome to be able to check the different articles/posts that go up each-and-every-day; and to see what’s happening with different people around the world. Often times, we all focus too much on other “things” that don’t really amount to much in the end – but writing is just one of those expressive means of creativity that really sticks with me.

I suppose you can say that I was “cursed” with this certainly wonderful gift when I was about 9 years old. I had often times felt frustrated when I was child because I had trouble speaking orally. I had a speech-impediment. It was pretty serious, and it caused me to go “into my shell” for about 2 or so years (before I hit puberty). During those dark years, I found solace in watching movies, playing video games, going on long walks near by apartment complex, and occasionally even drawing.

But the one hobby that really struck a cord with me was writing.

For you see; when I started writing, I would eventually come to acknowledge that small time period of my life as the beginning of what would eventually be self-dubbed as “The Golden Era” of my life.

The very first story I wrote; ended up being the very same story I’m almost finished editing today. Though I am nearly done editing said-book, I know the process will be a long and arduous road to getting traditionally published. Not to mention that this book is part of a series of 6 other books. But perhaps my biggest obstacles are not in the fictional world; but in the real one.

I don’t have any family members who are acclaimed writers; I don’t really have any connections in the publishing community, and moreover, I’ve done countless research on the matter of publishing and have realized that I need to grow a substantial audience before I can even hope of truly getting the recognition I believe this book deserves. It’s a road which many would consider “suicidal” or “a waste of time”, but I believe it’s worth a shot; even as I work on the other aspects of my life.

Another question I suppose is worth answering is: what other hobbies do I enjoy partaking in?

The short answer?: Youtube! (And also watching different films, playing video games, talking long walks in strange forests, and spending time with the people I love the most).

Time for the long answer!

Over the last 2 weeks or so, I’ve completely revamped my Youtube channel. I’ve incorporated trailer reviews, and will also be doing movie reviews as well (as the movies start rolling out)!

I used to do video game compilation videos, where I would post a collage of humorous moments. Those videos would get 100,000 views (and more). But for some reason, I quickly felt disenchanted with making those types of videos due to a lack of creativity needed in order to make them. Anyone can make compilation videos, even a kid could do it. So I decided about 2 weeks ago to get rid of all of my old content and focus on creating self-made content that felt more original in terms of the production process. Because let’s face it; clipping together random video scenes from live-streamers is no fun for the long-haul.

So, I’ve gladly made the change and haven’t looked back since. My first (new) video was uploaded only a couple of days ago; and all of the subsequent trailer reaction videos that I’ve produced since then have gradually seen a small rise in viewership (which gets me excited every time as I realize that some of those people are actually coming back to see what I have to say about different movie trailers)!

Moving on now; phew!

Third question to answer: what are you currently doing in your real life?

Well this question is pretty straight forward. I’m doing what any other sensible (and lucky) young person would be doing during this time period of his life.

I’m double majoring in Accounting and Financing; and potentially minoring in Computer & Information Science.

That was the short answer; the long answer is…

About a year-and-a-half ago, I decided to go back to college. I had initially started my college journey back when I was 19 years old. After taking a single semester, I decided to take about 4 years off (originally, it was just 2 years…but life happened, as I will explain shortly). I worked full time at my local supermarket (Ralphs), and generally just had a good time hanging out with childhood friends and making the best of my situation. Fast-forward to turning 23, I realized I was in a rut.

I had no specialized skills that this ever-changing workforce in America is requiring of its people nowadays. At best, I was a decent-enough writer who worked at a local supermarket by day; and wrote by night. Because you see, I wrote the majority of my time when I was younger. What also caused my original “2-year” hiatus from college was the relationship I found myself deeply infatuated in. I had a solid 3-year relationship with a girl who was about 3-and-a-half years my senior. We had the time of our lives then. Even though we didn’t have much, we had each other during tough times. We both worked at the same place too, so it was nice to be able to hang out from time-to-time.

Then shit hit the proverbial fan.

I realized when I was 23 years old, that the relationship couldn’t last forever. The reason being? I was on a fast-track to going absolutely nowhere. I had managed to accrue about $10,000 in debt (now down to about $7,500 – spread out across two credit cards). Not to mention, I had also failed miserably in terms of living up to the “standards” of society. I was still living with my parents, I had a 1992 Toyota Tercel (and still do; it works perfectly fine), and I felt like I had wasted possibly the best-years of my life.

It was around this time I knew I had to go back to school. I had to do something (anything really) with my still young life.

So with about 2 weeks of planning out my future life, I called up the girl I was seeing at the time and told her I needed to talk with her in person.

She had a feeling where this was going; as is the nature of women at times.

So instead, I broke it off with her over the phone since she didn’t want to waste her time (and mine) by having me drive down to her house, or for her to drive up to where I live.

So, we had a quick break-up. I thought (naively) I would magically feel better.

But I was not prepared for the ramifications.

It took me a good 4-5 months to recuperate after that breakup. She was my first (for everything), and I couldn’t manage to get myself out of the deep depression which took a-hold of me during that summer of 2016. I remember vividly going to work almost everyday and feeling useless and meaningless. It had gotten so bad, that at one point, I had to place my 2-week notice. Miraculously, the next school semester was going to start in about 3 weeks, so I signed up for 5 classes (ended up dropping one class due to my depression), and passed that semester with 3 “A’s” and 1 “B”. I don’t really know how I managed to pull that off, especially because I didn’t feel motivated at all. Looking back now, I remember immersing myself into the material from each of my classes and really delving deep into the knowledge-base provided by each professor.

Fast-forward to late 2017.

I managed to get through all of my lower-division classes, and currently working on my Accounting and Financing classes that I need to complete in order to get into the upper division for both majors.

The only other lower-division class I need is Calculus for Business. But that will be easy for me to complete since I’m taking it over the span of 2 classes this year. 

Otherwise from that, I’ve somehow managed to position myself to at least obtaining a somewhat decent standard of living through my majors; I’ve managed to learn how to finance my daily, weekly, and monthly expenses; and I’ve learned the true value of utilizing every single minute of a day.

Though I certainly miss the days of carefree expression and being able to “take it easy”; I wouldn’t change what I have right now for anything. I’ve learned so many valuable things through my dedication and hard-work. I’ve learned how to appreciate the little that I do have, and I’ve learned how to be a better son even through tough times.

I know I may not have a private yacht, or own property; but what I do know, is this: I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I know someday I will do something (anything) with my life, and for the time being, I will continue to focus on the little foundation that I have built up for myself so far.

And with that; I believe it’s the best time to end this lengthy post!

Thank you again to all of my supporters, readers, and friends! I’ve especially enjoyed getting to know some of you throughout the last several months, and I look forward to hopefully seeing where life takes all of us. Whether we hit a couple of “bumps” along the road, or whether we have manage to “fail” at something; what matters the most in the end – is the community of like-minded individuals we all find ourselves a part of.

May my 2nd year of blogging be as-equally-as fun and interesting as this one was!

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

24 Years.

(song which inspired this post; click anywhere on this sentence to listen to track).

 

24 Years.

24 years and I’ve finally “figured it out”.

I’ve finally uncovered the “secret of life”.

You see; I tried with all of my might to quell the mounting roar in my soul.

I tried with all of my inner-power to calm the unchained flames which burned me up from inside, every night for the past 24 years.

I tried with all of my knowledge and creativity, to understand those human beings who have chosen to be inconsiderate and dismissive of others.

I tried to fight with everything I had in me, to understand what would possess one soul to irrevocably harm another.

I tried and waited with all of the worldly patience inside of me, to see why you and I have been put against each other, in this society we call “home”; in order to fight each other to the death.

I’ve tried, and tried,….and I’ve tried.

And with all of this waiting around I’ve been doing for the last 24 years, I’ve come to only one simple conclusion.

You must become the thing you so despise.

The reason for this?

Put simply: no matter what your goals, aspirations, or inner-drives are; you will achieve none of it if you stand idly by.

If you don’t move forward, even when everyone around you has lost hope in you, and even when everyone around you is constantly trying to shove you back down- the only thing that matters is that you never give up on yourself.

Fuck all the times someone has told you that you would amount to “absolutely nothing”. 

Fuck the people who try and ruin you.

Fuck society and what is expected of you.

But when everything is said-and-done, what matters the most, is that you shove them back. You tell them that they’ve amounted to “nothing”. Most importantly, and above all else, you must take back your power by accepting the harsh reality that you must start at rock-bottom again.

For even though you have become so familiar with rock-bottom, you haven’t truly experienced the bottom until you’ve been shunned away, have been rejected by society, and have been left for dead at the corner of “Your Future” and “Your Past”.

So what does this all mean?

We must realize that our past pains and current corruptions are the only forces fueling our existence. It is what keeps us going forward, whether we realize it or not.

We are walking and talking contradictions.

But the irony of it all; is that, this is how we must be in order to survive in this jungle we call societal life. We cannot show our true selves with 100% accuracy; for if we did, we would be pushed aside for fake friends, fake allies, and fake realities. We cannot show our humanity, for we will just as quickly be labeled as “inaccurate, naïve, stupid, childish, and worthless”.

After all, that’s what any modernized society would want; right? For every single person to turn into a heartless creature of the night. To go against our moral judgments and to make decisions irrationally and without justified cause. To accuse people without concrete fact. To point fingers at our enemies in the hopes they perish away. To treat those who are not in positions of power; like they are the very dirt we walk upon.

Don’t try and tell me otherwise, for I know the truth now that I’ve lived through these cold experiences during the 24 years of my existence so far.

This reality we have created for each other is one wrought in drought. It’s one spun in which we can no longer be humane. It’s one transfixed in which the end days have arrived.

In comparison to the truth of our existence; we must present ourselves opposite of that truth. We must show to the world that we have all the money in the world; that we own multiple properties, that we have conquered the world by being cruel, mean-spirited, and full of vengeance and fury.

When in reality, we are just one paycheck away from complete destitution and destruction. When in reality, we are lonely beyond any child’s comprehension. When in reality, we are as fragile as the rose which sways alongside the rhythm of the winds.

We are, after all, human.

24 years down this road; and this is what I’ve realized after all this time.

 

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)

Transformation

(Inspiration for this poetic piece, click me to listen to song)

Transformation

I feel myself disconnecting from who I am.

Who I am….

Who I…………..was?

I’m beginning to wonder: what’s wrong with me? 

Why am I losing pieces of myself?

Why are those pieces floating out of my consciousness like a stream of water flowing downstream at an unimaginably blinding speed?

I see you. 

I…..saw you?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m starting to see you or if I’m beginning to see…….my own reflection?

Like a kaleidoscope of dizzying colors, my once dreary eyes are beginning to see the faint lights of ever-changing fates.

To see the potential of you and I. To feel the winds of unspoken truths caress my face with faulty lies.

I’ve begun to speak in my dreams of feverish nightmares borne of an indifference to what’s going on in our shared world.

I’ve begun to distance myself from who we are meant to be.

I’ve broken our promise.

I’m sorry.

I’m so incredibly sorry.

I feel like I failed who I was meant to be.

And yet…

Yet my future is bright.

What does that even mean?

Why do we cherish those who have “made it”?

One day.

One day, I swear on my very soul.

I will live my truth.

I will change this world, even if for just a flash of a moment.

I will change the collective consciousness of our society for just a second in history.

I will defend the honor of what it means to truly survive and thrive in this world, I will remind myself of why I still breathe.

No doubt the best of humanity dies young; for the old and aging continue to live and support this world full of deception and abuse. I should know, I’m becoming such a thing. Such a creature of the night.

Why haven’t I ended it all for myself?

I don’t feel suicidal. That’s likely the reason why. But still…why am I playing along with this game?

I can’t stop myself either. I’m filled with determination unlike anything of this world. But…why? Why am I so competitive? Why am I so determined? Even though I don’t wish to be, I just am?

Confusing thoughts spiral in my mind as a wave of over-confidence washes over me…or is it doubt?

But I’m not indecisive; though I wish I was at this moment.

I wish I was more confused than I’m playing it out to be.

I wish I could come up with some excuse; some tainted truth.

Thoughts intertwined with hallowed emotions. I don’t actually feel anything at this moment. I’ve become numb. And yet, my heart still beats? It beats with life, with the ever-pulsing rhythm of life.

Why has our world succumb to such devastation and derelict woes?

Why, why, why, why, why, why.

Our voices are drowned out, our opinions are non-existent, and our stories will forever be untold.

The truth will forever glimmer in the moonlit sky like a long-forgotten wish. The truth will flicker as a lone candle does in the dead of night. The truth will be unseen like the silent bird which has no voice to sing. The truth will exist, but only for itself alone. It will never be comforted, never be hugged with delight or cherished for its unique characteristics. It will never be able to shine so brightly that the sun, and the moon, and all the stars are meaningless to the bountiful life on Earth.

The truth will forever remain unclaimed. Forever untouched and despised. For truth brings inconvenience. It fosters a sense of hostility between two souls. It reminds all of us of our inevitable death. It reminds us that life is so precious; yet we are wasting it away day-in-and-day-out by working away at a job which holds no meaning to our true community; our true loved-ones.

The truth is harsh.

It is cruel and cold.

Like the nights of cold-sweat drenching your body; it is unforgiving and relentless. Like the days full of addiction and of growing numbness to life; rejection of truth brings about the calamity of your very existence. Like the darkening sky full of dread, or the mysterious secrets veraciously biting away at your soul as you try and reason and bargain with darker realities. Truth untouched is like a baby without her mother. It is like an unheard cry in the middle of nowhere. It is like the blood-thirsty eyes of a feral creature ready to devour it’s prey.

It is like the breaking of glass, as the world comes shattering down upon the weight of our lies.

But…

Once acknowledge and accepted; truth transforms it’s once ugly disguise into a beautiful soul.

Dancing in the light of day, truth can once again show us the way to salvation and holiness.

It can help us become worthy of being named children of goodness. Children of the righteous path – even if it isn’t always the easiest one.

Truth……

Truth can set us free again.

Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

 

Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)