A Sense of Restlessness and Uneasiness

UPDATE: I’m back!

After many countless hours of studying, doing homework, and working 2 “real-world” jobs (which I’m still doing); I finally have time to write again! This makes me incredibly happy and I can’t wait to share the plethora of thought-provoking pieces I’ve written over the last couple of months.

With that said, I’ll likely upload about 2-4 posts a week. The reason being? I’m in the process of joining the Air Force. I still haven’t reached out to a recruiter, but I’ve been swimming consistently everyday for the last week-and-a-half. (Fun fact: since the chlorine which can be found in pools dries up skin very quickly, I prepared for this by purchasing 2 bottles of moisturizer to make sure my skin doesn’t start peeling).

To kick-off this new chapter in my life; here’s a piece I wanted to share about 5 months ago when I found myself in a very dark place. To be honest, I don’t feel anywhere near as helpless or disenchanted as I did when I wrote this; but I still felt compelled to share this piece with all of you. Even though I may not agree with what I wrote back then, I must still honor the fact that this was a feeling I experienced at a moment in my life when things weren’t looking so hot for me.

Without prolonging the inevitable anticipation, here’s the piece:

When we least expect it, we begin to feel a bit uneasy. It’s as though the whole world is a playground, and you’re standing still – waiting for the unexpected to happen. We’re constantly looking at the people around us as a point of reference. And at the same time, we’re trying to make the world a place in which things become our place.

But in order to strive for success, we may adversely or inadvertently make things difficult for everyone else.

At times, we don’t really care about the repercussions of our action. Some days, we’re a nuisance on society and the world around us. Other days, we’re a helping hand for somebody who needs someone to hear them out. Other times, I begin to wonder why we make things so difficult. It makes me wonder why there are even societal rules that we all live by.

Don’t get me wrong, regulations on human behavior can be a blessing; but it can also be a curse. From what I’ve seen, the best kinds of constrictions are the kinds that stop violence. I believe that this is the best kind of regulation on society.

In some regard, I often feel as though the world (for the U.S.) is akin to a fantasyland of unrealistic expectations. Being that I live in this capitalistic society, I’ve realized that people in America (not everyone, but a good portion) only think about themselves. I’m guilty of this truth as well. I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. There are times that I wish reality was different. I often times wish that I could be a part of a real-life community of people who actively worked at being supportive of each other – even competitive in a constructive way.

I suppose the reason why I wish this was a reality is because I grew up in a single parent household. I never really had the luxury of having a “family” environment where I could question even the basic fundamentals of life.

I’ve always lived life according to what people wanted from me. Or better-put, I’ve always been compliant in the things that happened to my life while everyone lived their life. I never really had a say in what would happen to me, or even where I would be going with my life. It still often times feels as though I have to comply with whatever goes on around me, but I’ve begun to slowly work towards a future where I don’t have to answer directly to someone above me. I know we all have someone to “report” to, but I would rather do something I love doing – like writing for a living, and whatever else can support that dream of mine.

That’s the funny and strange part about life. People are often dictating what we do with our lives. We never really dictate what we want to do. Because? Well, the simple answer is because of the fear of failing. The fear of having no money. The fear of instability. The fear of reality.

Life is nowhere near as easy or perfect as we wish it were. And as such, I can sympathize with many other low-income families and individuals. Life in this society was never meant for us to succeed.

We struggle day-in-and-day-out just to help finance our lives. We’re told to strive for better opportunities, and yet we never have any real help when our starting point in life is rock-bottom. It’s almost gotten to a point where I feel like we’re all being mocked and laughed at by those who have most of the wealth in the world. In some way, I’ve always known life for most humans is difficult and sometimes unbearable. But nowadays, it’s reached a whole new low for Americans and for those living in 1st world countries. In some way, we have all truly become a global world – what I mean to say is that we all share in the suffering.

In some odd way, instead of helping each other – we’re constantly trying to put people down. We may do this secretly and in our own strange ways; or we may do this because we’re compliant with the position we may hold. Irregardless, I understand the conundrums of life. Oft-times, we must look out for our best interests – else we find ourselves homeless and without any true support from the remaining family we have left.

So that’s what I will strive for, to succeed regardless of whatever it takes to reach such lofty goals. I have no other alternative, I must assimilate into a myriad of different social groups and circles in the hopes that I can one day share my hidden gifts with the world. As ironic as it may seem, or as out-of-place this message me seem; I want you to know that I cherish you for just reading this post. My hope is that you understand that someone in your own life, most likely a person you love dearly, may be going through some tough times. So please, if your loved one asks for help – then help them out however you can. If your loved one asks for some time alone, honor their request. But whatever you do; please understand that your loved one is trying their best to put-up a can-do attitude with a strong smile hiding a fragile heart behind it.


Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel


(Credit for photo: click anywhere on this sentence to view!)

2 thoughts on “A Sense of Restlessness and Uneasiness

  1. So happy you’re back! Air Force? Wow–I wish you the best of luck with that:-) This post is especially important at this time of year when so many people do need help. We should all take your advice, and try to be the best people we can be in our relationships with others!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey mydangblog, how are you?! I’m glad to hear from you, it’s been such a long time since I last made my appearance known here on WordPress’ network!

      It also feels good to be back in general. Surprsingly, I’ve been experiencing massive growth in my personal life. I intend to push forward to see where this personal growth takes me and those around me! Through all the random good and bad that occurs in my life everyday, I’ve grown to utlize every single experience to my advantage. I no longer look at negative experiences as being just “bad”.

      At any rate, I’m looking forward to just pushing myself into new fields (perhaps even motivational speaking once I’ve completed my years in the Air Force). Maybe even business consultation (since my major is Computerized Accounting / Business Management). Either way, I won’t delay the more creative side to me. I’ve found that this is the time for me to continue to share my gifts with the world. So I’ll definitely be writing on this creative space still :).


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s