24 years and I’ve finally “figured it out”.
I’ve finally uncovered the “secret of life”.
You see; I tried with all of my might to quell the mounting roar in my soul.
I tried with all of my inner-power to calm the unchained flames which burned me up from inside, every night for the past 24 years.
I tried with all of my knowledge and creativity, to understand those human beings who have chosen to be inconsiderate and dismissive of others.
I tried to fight with everything I had in me, to understand what would possess one soul to irrevocably harm another.
I tried and waited with all of the worldly patience inside of me, to see why you and I have been put against each other, in this society we call “home”; in order to fight each other to the death.
I’ve tried, and tried,….and I’ve tried.
And with all of this waiting around I’ve been doing for the last 24 years, I’ve come to only one simple conclusion.
You must become the thing you so despise.
The reason for this?
Put simply: no matter what your goals, aspirations, or inner-drives are; you will achieve none of it if you stand idly by.
If you don’t move forward, even when everyone around you has lost hope in you, and even when everyone around you is constantly trying to shove you back down- the only thing that matters is that you never give up on yourself.
Fuck all the times someone has told you that you would amount to “absolutely nothing”.
Fuck the people who try and ruin you.
Fuck society and what is expected of you.
But when everything is said-and-done, what matters the most, is that you shove them back. You tell them that they’ve amounted to “nothing”. Most importantly, and above all else, you must take back your power by accepting the harsh reality that you must start at rock-bottom again.
For even though you have become so familiar with rock-bottom, you haven’t truly experienced the bottom until you’ve been shunned away, have been rejected by society, and have been left for dead at the corner of “Your Future” and “Your Past”.
So what does this all mean?
We must realize that our past pains and current corruptions are the only forces fueling our existence. It is what keeps us going forward, whether we realize it or not.
We are walking and talking contradictions.
But the irony of it all; is that, this is how we must be in order to survive in this jungle we call societal life. We cannot show our true selves with 100% accuracy; for if we did, we would be pushed aside for fake friends, fake allies, and fake realities. We cannot show our humanity, for we will just as quickly be labeled as “inaccurate, naïve, stupid, childish, and worthless”.
After all, that’s what any modernized society would want; right? For every single person to turn into a heartless creature of the night. To go against our moral judgments and to make decisions irrationally and without justified cause. To accuse people without concrete fact. To point fingers at our enemies in the hopes they perish away. To treat those who are not in positions of power; like they are the very dirt we walk upon.
Don’t try and tell me otherwise, for I know the truth now that I’ve lived through these cold experiences during the 24 years of my existence so far.
This reality we have created for each other is one wrought in drought. It’s one spun in which we can no longer be humane. It’s one transfixed in which the end days have arrived.
In comparison to the truth of our existence; we must present ourselves opposite of that truth. We must show to the world that we have all the money in the world; that we own multiple properties, that we have conquered the world by being cruel, mean-spirited, and full of vengeance and fury.
When in reality, we are just one paycheck away from complete destitution and destruction. When in reality, we are lonely beyond any child’s comprehension. When in reality, we are as fragile as the rose which sways alongside the rhythm of the winds.
We are, after all, human.
24 years down this road; and this is what I’ve realized after all this time.
Forever in Your Debt,