24 Years.

(song which inspired this post; click anywhere on this sentence to listen to track).


24 Years.

24 years and I’ve finally “figured it out”.

I’ve finally uncovered the “secret of life”.

You see; I tried with all of my might to quell the mounting roar in my soul.

I tried with all of my inner-power to calm the unchained flames which burned me up from inside, every night for the past 24 years.

I tried with all of my knowledge and creativity, to understand those human beings who have chosen to be inconsiderate and dismissive of others.

I tried to fight with everything I had in me, to understand what would possess one soul to irrevocably harm another.

I tried and waited with all of the worldly patience inside of me, to see why you and I have been put against each other, in this society we call “home”; in order to fight each other to the death.

I’ve tried, and tried,….and I’ve tried.

And with all of this waiting around I’ve been doing for the last 24 years, I’ve come to only one simple conclusion.

You must become the thing you so despise.

The reason for this?

Put simply: no matter what your goals, aspirations, or inner-drives are; you will achieve none of it if you stand idly by.

If you don’t move forward, even when everyone around you has lost hope in you, and even when everyone around you is constantly trying to shove you back down- the only thing that matters is that you never give up on yourself.

Fuck all the times someone has told you that you would amount to “absolutely nothing”. 

Fuck the people who try and ruin you.

Fuck society and what is expected of you.

But when everything is said-and-done, what matters the most, is that you shove them back. You tell them that they’ve amounted to “nothing”. Most importantly, and above all else, you must take back your power by accepting the harsh reality that you must start at rock-bottom again.

For even though you have become so familiar with rock-bottom, you haven’t truly experienced the bottom until you’ve been shunned away, have been rejected by society, and have been left for dead at the corner of “Your Future” and “Your Past”.

So what does this all mean?

We must realize that our past pains and current corruptions are the only forces fueling our existence. It is what keeps us going forward, whether we realize it or not.

We are walking and talking contradictions.

But the irony of it all; is that, this is how we must be in order to survive in this jungle we call societal life. We cannot show our true selves with 100% accuracy; for if we did, we would be pushed aside for fake friends, fake allies, and fake realities. We cannot show our humanity, for we will just as quickly be labeled as “inaccurate, naïve, stupid, childish, and worthless”.

After all, that’s what any modernized society would want; right? For every single person to turn into a heartless creature of the night. To go against our moral judgments and to make decisions irrationally and without justified cause. To accuse people without concrete fact. To point fingers at our enemies in the hopes they perish away. To treat those who are not in positions of power; like they are the very dirt we walk upon.

Don’t try and tell me otherwise, for I know the truth now that I’ve lived through these cold experiences during the 24 years of my existence so far.

This reality we have created for each other is one wrought in drought. It’s one spun in which we can no longer be humane. It’s one transfixed in which the end days have arrived.

In comparison to the truth of our existence; we must present ourselves opposite of that truth. We must show to the world that we have all the money in the world; that we own multiple properties, that we have conquered the world by being cruel, mean-spirited, and full of vengeance and fury.

When in reality, we are just one paycheck away from complete destitution and destruction. When in reality, we are lonely beyond any child’s comprehension. When in reality, we are as fragile as the rose which sways alongside the rhythm of the winds.

We are, after all, human.

24 years down this road; and this is what I’ve realized after all this time.


Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel


Source of photo: (click me to view picture credits)



  1. How true .. you spoke about my inner turmoil.. I spend sleepless nights thinking what makes people do what they do and try to rationalize their behaviors .. try to understand the reason behind everything everyone does ..

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know if it’s just part of the human experience/condition that we must be so competitive; or if it’s an individual problem. But what I’ve come to accept, is that society has a funny way of “pushing” us towards certain behavioral traits. The more aggressive and loud you are, the better chance you have of “making it” in our society.

      I’m the type of person who likes to understand and get to know people. I like to help out. But for some strange reason, I’ve found throughout my 24 years of existence, that corporations and companies rather prefer “profits” solely over any other aspect of our economy/society.

      Ultimately, what I find most interesting, is that every single person (including myself), does in fact put up a mask. We do this, because we know to some varying degree; that the companies and corporations which hold the opportunity for employment, won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. That’s why I’ve found myself more online (utilizing my website/blog, and also YouTube). I’m beginning to do what I love to do the most. Over the last couple of years; I’ve begun to realize that nobody is holding responsibility since those people who do have such otherwise honorable characteristics are usually the ones who “take the fall”. This applies to any situation; where someone wants to do something “right” or be “honest” about a situation. I’ve found that most times (not always though), that what we as human beings constitute as “right” is not always the “correct” decision to go through with.

      I had to write this post out to get my thoughts down on paper and to really understand what I was feeling. For a while now, I’ve begun to feel like a fraud. Even though I’m learning how to be an Accountant / Financier , I realized that I won’t ever put my true passions aside. I may have to work within the institutions I so despise; but one way or another, I will continue to actively work hard on the things that matter the most to me in life.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I learnt this the hard way last year that the right way is necessarily not the correct decision.. in this spiritual book Called Bhagavad Gita, Krishna says the same to Arjuna .. he gives different examples of what Dharma is and is not and how to manipulate Dharma to make the right, a correct decision..


    • For the time being, I believe this has been the only way we have operated in the world. But with that said, I also believe it’s up to each individual circumstance. As history has proven time, and time again, there have always been brief moments of unhindered progression towards a truly “civilized” society amidst small-pockets of ancient civilizations.

      With that said, I also believe it comes down to who you are, who your family is, and also, how successfully you become in society’s eyes (in terms of monetary success and also productivity). But of course, those 3 things are only possible if you’ve been given ample foundation to prosper and grow as a cultured human being. If you don’t have support, then life becomes a struggle beyond comprehension.

      I would say America (since I’ve lived here my entire life) is at a serious cross-roads in terms of where our leaders, bosses, managers, etc., are taking it. In some way, I believe that’s why I’ve begun to write a whole lot more on the side. Instinctually, I just feel like something’s about to happen in our society (whether it be American society, or the other societies amongst the world; I’m referring to all of it to some varying degree).

      I’m sure once things have settled down, life will inevitably find a way to prosper and grow once again. But for some odd reason, I just feel this ominous sense of devolving fates upon all of us. The funny part, is that my own life is stable as usual. I’m not sure what caused this feeling to overcome me the last couple of days. It just has, and I thought it would be an injustice not to honor such a feeling.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kind of terrifies me too, it makes me wonder if we’re going through another “Great Depression” like the one America experienced back in 1929-1939. Sometimes I wonder why history must repeat itself; and then I remember, that we’re all human. As humans, we don’t change what we want or what we desire (on an individual level). And that, I believe, is the cause for history repeating itself.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Every since the last election and with things happening in my personal life, I feel like I am in Twilight Zone .. suddenly the world feels scary .. the sense of security is gone .. it feels like WW2 era ..

        Liked by 1 person

      • Also I can’t handle another recession.. I barely managed to survive the last one .. that’s why I am taking up teaching as a profession.. because recession or not I will atleast have a stable job and a pay check..

        Liked by 1 person

      • So true xD! I don’t think my family and I would survive another recession/depression. It seems like with the advancement of technology and automation though, a lot of jobs will go out of existence. I hope teaching sticks around. I don’t understand how corporate America thinks sometimes; I suppose it really is all about profit and the bottom-line after all. Well, I suppose I have no other choice xD.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Btw .. what ever you wrote, I learnt it the hard way the whole of last year .. but there is a compromise to this though .. give time before you reveal your true self to people.. be careful about every word that you utter from your mouth .. be good to those who are good .. if people are bad, avoid them .. if they harm you, then don’t be a pushover.. be aggressive & assertive with them ..

        Liked by 1 person

      • I do this too well now. I’ve become way too good at lying to myself. In that regard, I don’t think anyone will ever know me; besides everyone here online via WordPress’ network. I feel like you know me better than even my own parents, older brother, and all the other people in my life at work and at school. I’m so good at being the talkative and sociable outside of my house; and then the moment I go to bed, I feel like a fraud. I feel like I’m just using people to get what I want; and I hate that society has created this monster out of me. I wish I could be genuine with people, but I realize that what you say is right to some degree. We cannot show our true colors. We can show bits, and pieces, of ourselves – but we can never truly show who we are deep inside. I wish I could just help people for a living. But I know that there’s no money to be made from such a job/occupation (besides being a nurse/doctor; but that requires a lot more money then I have). Even then, being a nurse/doctor is political as well. Like I said, I wish there was just a job out there for people like me, or just help people along the way in their life without it having to be political. But I suppose that is asking for way too much.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Never stop being you, my friend–it’s a powerful thing to be. And yes, sometimes you have to give the world a very large “Fuck you” in order to find that power within yourself. And don’t forget that most often, we help people without even realizing it just by being good, decent human beings:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • My favorite person xD! Don’t worry about it, this is the only place I feel comfortable really (and I mean really xD) letting my thoughts flow seamlessly together. It’s ironic, because I know some people read my writings here, but at the same time, I feel so incredibly comfortable writing online here on my blog. Don’t know why, but I’m glad it’s the case. Glad to see you’re doing good!

      Liked by 1 person

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