There are days in which I find myself greatly in-tuned with everything and everyone around me. These moments only happen when I’m surrounded by only a few random people. Be it coworkers at my job, my older brother, or even my best buddy from high school (I’m shocked we still hang out and get along really well; I always had this assumption that high school friends just “disappeared” after it was all said-and-done).
Intense emotions take over me at times, but even at these moments, I keep such feelings to myself with no one being the wiser about it. I go about my daily routines as though nothing is out of the ordinary; like everything is where it should be. And for the most part, that’s how I’ve always idealized it to be. I’ve come to find myself living a nice, comforting life. Though it may be crazy at times, and a little unbalanced every now-and-again; my life has finally found some semblance of peace and inner-serenity.
Probably one of the biggest aspects that I’ve come to realize over the course of this last year; is just how excited I am to be able to one day start a family. Whether I choose to adopt or marry, I know I’ll just be happy to be a parent to a child. To help them grow, to teach them some of the life lesson’s I’ve learned along the way. To make them understand the importance of both math and arts. To allow them to grow naturally as a human being. But most importantly, to teach them that life doesn’t always give you what you want.
I think that’s the most important lesson anyone can learn in life. To reach a place in your life in which you feel so at ease is a blessing in disguise. You haven’t truly lived yet if you haven’t allowed yourself to both work hard, and play harder. In this sense, you get the best of both worlds. You grow a really awesome work-ethic, and at the same time, you learn to really appreciate those small moments you have to relax with your family and those who you love.
In some way, that’s the whole concept of life. It’s to really create and cherish moments of genuine memories.
People who take life so seriously are not blessed. They’ve likely found themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel sorrow for them, for I know they are faced with the demons of negative people in their lives, at their place of employment, or even just the demons of severe depression/anxiety. I used to have all-three plaguing my life. It lasted for about four years. I’ll never forget how desperate I was for the pain to end, how loathsome I felt towards people. I hated not only other people; but I hated myself. I had hated the fact that I was born into this twisted and disgusting world. But that was at a time in my life in which I had no real control over my life. I had been left to the wolves, so to speak. But I needed that to happen in my life in order to really become the man I am today.
I am stronger, smarter, and more livelier for it. I have come to see that experiencing life is one of staggeringly-high “up’s” and incredibly-deep “down’s”. It’s not a fair existence, but life would have no purpose or value without the small (and large) struggles we may very well face in our everyday lives.
I’ve learned to live-and-let-be. That’s been my motto in life ever since I had a really big “aha” moment; in which I realized that other people’s drama and pettiness is not of my own. In fact, I know I insult people with my candidness. I am frankly unapologetic at times. At my best, I can be a harbinger of change. At worst, I can be the very bringer of misery and decay. I know we all harness the powers to make life heaven-on-Earth, or make it a living-hell. Either way, you alone are the sole owner of your actions. We may all have thoughts and deep emotions; but to have the strength to master both of these aspects of ourself is probably the highest form of wisdom there is in the whole entire world.
You have to be humble in life sometimes. There are times when you should be ambitious and aggressive, but then, there are also times when you should learn to go on “autopilot” and take each day at a time. That way, you enjoy your days even more and you create more memories with the people around you throughout your life. Like I said, there’s a time-and-place for everything; and I suppose right now in my life, I’m just blessed to be able to enjoy this time period of my life where I can truly just work on myself and hopefully get to start a family one day.
But for now, I believe I will end this post for the day. May the light of tomorrow shine upon your gloomy day. For the promise of our future is always sweeter than the bitterness of our past.
Forever in Your Debt,