Online Journal (Entry #018)

DISCLAIMER: These are my thoughts at 11:00 p.m., and I wanted to record them instead of pretending these feelings didn’t exist. To be honest, I feel much better just getting these thoughts written down and out of my system. I think some times in life, one needs to release the emotions chaining them down; especially an introvert like myself. Tomorrow, I’ll share with you a follow-up Journal Entry post since I’m feeling much better already and ready to share with you all of the constructive things I’ve learned from my classes so far. I also had a great first-day in the program I’m a part of, which is a leadership program at my college. It’s fun, interactive, and has helped my further foster my ability to speak fluently in a public setting.

Anyways, without further ado, here’s my thoughts at 11:00 p.m. I hope you find the raw emotions and thoughts insightful/refreshing. Don’t take anything I say too literal, I just like to feel inspired at times during these moments when I get things off my chest since it builds up after a long, long time.

Over these last few days, I’ve gone through a tremendous transformation.

In order to understand how I’ve become stronger in my resolve for helping people; I must start with where it started.

I’ve begun to see the world through the eyes of an accountant, of a businessman, of a stock broker, and more importantly above all else, of an entrepreneur. It’s not what I expected, and surely, I’ve come to realize that it’s a lot easier than trying to hold a steady job. There’s something worthwhile about it, something that I can’t explain in mere words alone. It’s as though this is the ancient and secret language only a few individuals have ever mastered in the world’s history.

Though these outlets have been enlightening to me, and I admittedly have begun to wield these tools to my advantage, I must admit something right here and right now.

Due to every single one of us, including myself; no matter how “wealthy” or “poor” we may be; we have contributed to this poisonous, toxic, and inhumane society that we currently exist in.

Today, I’ll be sharing with all of you how I’ve come to realize what has caused such a huge rift between our current reality and our ideal world.

The true world we should be living in, can certainly be achieved. But I won’t sit here and pretend everything could ever go according to any type of blueprint. Life isn’t perfect, and we aren’t perfect beings after all.

No, today I’ve begun to accept the fact that the people of our country, hold the true power. Not the corporations; for they only hold economic power over our lives. Not the leaders of our world, for they mean nothing without our most basic form of acceptance of them. Not those who are mega-stars or athletes, for their audience only exists through us, the people.

I’ve always known this fact, this reality. The voice of the people are exponentially more important than any dollar value could ever hold against us. But it’s our responsibility as a people to utilize that voice. To use our inner-strength to act on causes that need resolving in a humane manner.

There’s something to be said about our current state of affairs in the world. History appears to repeat itself over, and over, and over again.

We have lived far from our human reality for such a long time now, that I don’t know when the last true timeperiod existed in world history in which we all thrived as a community. It’s time we begin to foster our bonds between one another. It’s time we as a global community, fight against those who do not wish to foster such strong and true bonds.

Community is what matters, a sense of creating and sharing the fruit’s of our arduous labor is what life is all about. A sense of giving back to those who worked so hard for our current comforts and securities is what we should be doing.

We were meant to be a group, not individuals competing against one another until one side dies off into oblivion. We were meant to share in our differences, and accept one another for our sometimes annoying habits or displeasing ticks.

We are only as great, or as insignificant, as the sum of our companions and enemies.

Sometimes I wonder how we as a society have been led astray from those who “run the show”. The fact of the matter is life is more complex and complicated than any single one of us wishes to admit.

I’ve come to realize that the only way to great salvation for people in the world, is by sticking our ground and fighting for what we believe is right. Whether that benefits some people and hinders others, has yet to be seen. But in an idealistic world, I would like to believe the actions we take everyday during our lives, could only create and foster goodness for all people. That’s the kind of world I’ve always dreamed of when I was a child. And now that I’m an adult, that’s the kind of world I’m actively working towards in creating.

I am tired of the attitudes of those who wish to leave people out of prosperity.

I’ve grown weary by those who wish harm, and even death, onto others.

I have felt the unspoken pains and enduring sorrows of a whole world at unease.

We pretend like everything’s alright in our daily lives, only because we know we feel hopeless in causing any real change to occur. What kind of world are we leaving for the children of tomorrow? I thank god everyday that I wasn’t fool-hearty, clumsy, or reckless enough to bring a child into this demented, cruel, and unforgiving world.

Those who hold power, hold it all for the sake of ensuring they don’t lose their means of income or means of gathering resources for their families and friends.

It’s as though we as humans are weak; always have been. We are afraid of speaking up for those who do not have a voice. Our fear of authority-figures has paralyzed us into perpetual silence until death-do-us-apart.

Yet we are intertwined, you and I.

We will always be connected, whether you hate, or love, that fact. Our thoughts on such a truth are irrelevant after all. What remains in the end, is the truth alone, and our reaction to such things must align with goodness. Because if we continue to fight one another, if we continue to play at these useless and time-wasting games; it will only lead to our ultimate destruction as a civilization.

It will only further the wealth of those in positions of power. That’s what they want.

So if we can create a world where we can one day share communities with each other, share resources with our neighbors, and most importantly, share higher-education with all of the adults and children of this world, then that’s a world worth living in.

It’s the kind of world we should have created centuries ago. But for obvious historical reasons, we as a people have always been split a part from our differences, from our insecurities, from our survival instincts, from our sense of duty and pride, from our sense of ego, from our sense of stupidity, and most importantly, from our sense of ownership and entitlement.

Because, in the real world, one must be ruthless, savage, and psychopathic in order to not only exist, but to thrive in life.

This is an upside-down world.

This is not what I should be typing right now. It should be the other way around. We should have a world where one can be decent, kindhearted, strong in their resolve, yet wise in their actions. That’s the kind of world I wish we lived in. Though not perfect, I know it could be more humane. I know it could be a world where those who seek salvation could receive the most basic of necessities for survival. And the truth is, we can create that world. We just need to stop playing this foolish game of cat-and-mouse, and realize that our time of impact on this world is limited.

Until we begin to open our eyes and see the truth of our connectedness and reliance on one-another, we will never be able to succeed in creating a healthier society. And sadly, though I hate to admit this, I have always known that our society will never reach such a level of attainment or enlightenment. For ours is a time period of damnation. Ours is a time period of paying for all the past sins and debts of our ancestors. And without righting our wrongs, we will continue to live this way.


Forever in Your Debt,

R.S. Noel

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